AI Summary
5 min readWhy Men Struggle to Open Up—and What Actually Helps
Tom Stroud, who appeared on Love is Blind UK and now runs the men's community Shoulder to Shoulder, knows firsthand how easily a person can be misrepresented. After he and his fiancée mutually agreed to say no at the altar, producers had him reshoot the scene using "I statements"—making it look on screen as though he had jilted her. The edit turned him into a villain, and the online abuse that followed sent him into therapy. But that therapy led to an unexpected question from his therapist: Had he ever considered working with other men? His answer was no. Then a clip from the show went viral—Stroud defending what he called his "feminine traits" (compassion, empathy, communicating needs, being tactile) as the traits he was most proud of as a man. A stranger named Dan Shrigley saw it, slid into his DMs, and asked him for coffee. That coffee became Shoulder to Shoulder, a peer-to-peer community that now has 2,100 members and runs 30 events a month.
The Real Reason Men Don't "Do the Work"
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What you'll learn
- 1 (01:00) **Introducing Tom Stroud: From "Love is Blind" Villain to Men's Community Leader** - Sabrina introduces Tom and the episode's focus on what men are actually going through.
- 2 (07:55) **How Therapy and a Viral Clip Sparked "Shoulder to Shoulder"** - Tom's post-show journey from PR professional to founder of a men's community.
- 3 (12:05) **What the Internet Got Right (and Wrong) About Tom** - Tom reflects on the accurate parts of his portrayal and what he's learned in his current relationship.
- 4 (15:32) **The Childhood Roots of Personalization** - How core beliefs from childhood create narratives that play out in adult relationships.
- 5 (19:55) **The Male Loneliness Epidemic: Why Men Are "Stuck"** - Tom breaks down the societal shifts that have left many men without a clear role or purpose.
- 6 (25:31) **Why Attacking Men Doesn't Change Them** - A critical discussion on how to actually help men evolve without alienating them.
- 7 (28:56) **The Historical Roots of Male Emotional Shame** - Tom traces the fear of vulnerability back to war and homophobia.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Love Is Blind UK star Tom Stroud sets the record straight on his reality TV villain edit, including why Netflix made him reshoot the altar scene. He shares how therapy after the show led him to build Shoulder to Shoulder, a men’s community tackling the male loneliness epidemic, and he and Sabrina get honest about men’s mental health, why so many men avoid therapy, and why shaming men for their feelings only pushes them further away.
Tom also opens up about his father wound, losing his dad before they could reconcile, and what his relationship has taught him about conflict, anger, and emotional safety. Plus: why men need male friendships, red flags that look like green flags, scheduling sex in a busy relationship, and what women and men need to understand about each other.
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Chapters:
00:00 Love Is Blind UK Altar Truth
05:28 Reality TV Hate and Mental Health
11:08 Equal Partnership in Relationships
16:00 Fear of Rejection and People Pleasing
21:09 Why Men Won’t Go to Therapy
27:26 Male Lonelines
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