AI Summary
5 min readWhen Tamsen Fadal was 41, she was sitting on a couch in an empty apartment, eating pizza, watching the TV she had to steal from her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Her dog was the only other creature in the room. Her ex had put them $100,000 into credit card debt, run their matchmaking business into the ground, and walked out with the furniture. She was a nightly news anchor in New York City—successful on the outside, wrecked on the inside—and she had no idea how she was going to get through it. That couch became her teacher. Over the next few years, she learned something she had never done before: she listened to herself.
What Each Decade Actually Teaches You
Fadal walked Sabrina Zohar through the decades of her dating life, and the pattern is not about men—it is about whose approval you are chasing. In her 20s, she was "worried about everybody else." She went to bed asking if anyone was mad at her, if everyone thought she was nice. Her entire romantic life was fueled by how much attention she could get. She dressed to be noticed, not to feel comfortable. In her 30s, the prefrontal cortex starts to develop, and the questions shift from "Do they like me?" to "Do I like them?" But she still married someone because he was the person in front of her and the timeline said she was 34 and single. She ignored red flags as pink flags—"it's not that big a deal"—because she believed she coul
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What you'll learn
- 1 (01:00) **Introduction & Tamsen's Background** - Sabrina introduces Tamsen Fadal, and Tamsen shares her career history from TV journalist to running a matchmaking business to becoming a menopause advocate.
- 2 (03:26) **Dating & Self-Perception in Your 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s** - Tamsen breaks down how her priorities and self-worth evolved across each decade of her life.
- 3 (07:52) **The Turning Point: From Hotness to Emotional Availability** - Tamsen and Sabrina discuss the shift from valuing superficial traits to prioritizing how a partner makes you feel.
- 4 (09:30) **Navigating Divorce and Financial Ruin** - Tamsen recounts the painful process of divorcing her ex-husband while also losing their shared business and going into debt.
- 5 (13:21) **The Crux: Knowing When to Leave an Abusive Relationship** - Tamsen shares the hardest part of leaving her ex-husband, including verbal and physical abuse.
- 6 (18:24) **Shared Trauma and Finding a Healthy Partner** - Sabrina and Tamsen discuss bonding over shared trauma and the contrast with a healthy relationship.
- 7 (21:10) **Overcoming Cynicism and Rebuilding Yourself** - Tamsen explains the practical steps she took to move from feeling "too old and jaded" to finding love.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
This one is about feeling behind. The belief that you missed your window, that everyone else got the memo, that whatever you want is off the table now because of your age. We are answering the questions you keep sending in: how to date after divorce without carrying the last relationship into the next one, how to stop treating the apps like a second job, whether age gaps actually work and where they stop working, and how to make the kids decision when everyone has an opinion about it except you.
We also get into why so many of us stay in relationships that are hurting us and call it love, what it actually takes to rebuild after a divorce or a breakup that flattened you, and why perimenopause is a conversation you should be having in your 30s instead of finding out at 47. Tamsen Fadal, journalist and author of How to Menopause, joins me for it. Nobody is behind. You are just on your own timeline.
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Chapters:
00:00 From News Anchor To Menopause Advocate
05:24 What You Look For Changes With Age
09:15 Divorce, Debt, And Starting Over
13:38 Knowing When To Leave A Relationship
18:48 What A Healthy Relationship Feels Like
24:19 The Pressure To Have Kids
29:35 How To Decide If You Want Children
35:58 Do Age Gaps Actually Work
40:12 Dating App Burnout And Discou
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