233: Daddy Issues Are Real. Here’s What They Actually Look Like
October 30, 2026
AI Summary
5 min read“I don’t know how to say this. I’ve never experienced feeling like this.” Sabrina Zohar’s brother was talking about the calm in his own home, now that he has a baby daughter and a supportive wife. When she asked, “What, feeling safe in your home?” he said yes. Then he added, “But I’m fine now.” Licensed psychotherapist Terry Cole, guest on this episode, replied: “Don’t we want to be more than fine? Don’t we want to be great?”
That exchange captures the central argument of the conversation: the father wound is a real, invisible worthiness injury that shapes how women relate to themselves, their partners, their careers, and their friendships—and healing it requires more than intellectual understanding.
What the father wound actually is
The father wound is not about blaming a parent. It is a psychological and emotional injury that occurs when a daughter’s father does not protect her, is not attuned to her, ignores her, or leaves. Cole defines it as an “invisible worthiness wound,” which is why it is so insidious: many women with unhealed father wounds are outwardly successful. They overfunction, overgive, and overachieve—but internally they are running from a sense of not being enough.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:01) **What is the Father Wound?** - Terry Cole defines the father wound as an invisible worthiness wound created when a father fails to protect, attune to, or stay with his daughter.
- 2 (02:44) **Introducing Terry Cole** - Sabrina welcomes licensed psychotherapist Terry Cole, author of the new book *Father Wound*, who explains how her 29-year career led to this core wound work.
- 3 (04:02) **How the Father Wound Manifests in Behavior** - Terry and Sabrina explore the specific patterns that reveal an unhealed father wound, from perfectionism to people-pleasing.
- 4 (07:44) **Sabrina's Personal Story: The Father Who Wouldn't Show Up** - Sabrina shares a recent, painful experience where her father refused to make a birthday video for her and later visited her brother without telling her.
- 5 (10:44) **The Healing Process: Going Down into the Basement** - Terry explains that healing requires honestly confronting what happened and allowing the inner child to feel the sadness and anger without making excuses.
- 6 (13:47) **Grief and Overcompensation** - Sabrina and Terry discuss the ongoing grief of not having the father you deserved, and how parents often overcompensate with money instead of emotional safety.
- 7 (15:10) **Father Wound in Men vs. Women** - Terry explains how the father wound differs for daughters versus sons, and introduces the concept of co-wounding with the mother.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Ever wonder why you keep dating the same type of person, people-please everyone around you, or never feel like enough no matter how much you achieve? It could be a father wound. Licensed psychotherapist Terri Cole, author of Father Wound, joins Sabrina to break down how an absent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive father shapes your self-worth, boundaries, attachment style, and relationships, and why calling it “daddy issues” misses the real worthiness wound underneath.
You’ll learn the signs of an unhealed father wound (perfectionism, overgiving, hypervigilance, codependency, chasing avoidant partners and friends), how repetition compulsion keeps you stuck in the same painful relationship patterns, the role a mother plays in co-wounding, and 3 questions to tell when you’re reacting from childhood trauma instead of your adult self. Plus, real steps for healing the father wound, grieving the dad you didn’t get, and finally feeling worth protecting.
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Chapters:
00:00 What Is a Father Wound?
04:48 Signs of an Unhealed Father Wound
10:39 How to Heal a Father Wound
16:37 Mother Wound and Co-Wounding
21:22 Overachieving to Prove Your Worth
26:29 Father Wound in Friendships and Dating
32:31 How Transference Shows Up in Your Life
37:39 Fear of Becoming Your Parent
42:57 Why Avoidants Deserve Empathy
48:09 Feeling Too Much and Not Enough
Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.
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