The psychology of embarrassment

Embarrassment feels physically awful—near the top of any hierarchy of unpleasant emotions—but what's happening underneath that cringe is far more interesting than the feeling itself. As Gemma Spike explains in this episode of The Psychology of Your 20s, embarrassment belongs to a special category called the self-conscious emotions, which also includes shame, guilt, and pride. Unlike fear or pleasure, these emotions require an awareness of the self and the perception of others. To feel embarrassment is to be self-aware, and that turns out to be a sign of emotional maturity, not weakness.

What embarrassment actually is

A 1989 study by Michael Lewis and colleagues tracked when children first develop the capacity for embarrassment. Researchers placed children between 9 and 24 months in front of a mirror with a mark on their forehead. Around age two, children began recognizing themselves in the reflection and touching their own faces to wipe the mark off. Shortly after passing this mirror test, they started showing signs of embarrassment—averting their gaze, hiding behind a parent's leg. The ability to feel embarrassed signals that a child has developed a sense of self and understands that other people can form opinions about them. By age ten, a child who cannot feel embarrassed is actually a concern; it may indicate they haven't developed a