AI Summary
5 min read“When was the last time you were fully, truly alone for longer than twelve hours?” That is the question host Jemma Sbeg opens with, and it sets up the central tension of this episode: many people in their twenties actively avoid solitude, not because they dislike it in the moment, but because they fear what it signals about their social worth and future. Sbeg argues that our relationship with being alone—distinct from loneliness—shapes the partners we choose, the jobs we stay in, the cities we never move to, and the dreams we abandon. The episode is a guide to transforming that relationship from one of guilt and avoidance into something intentional and even enjoyable.
Why solitude feels threatening
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What you'll learn
- 1 (03:10) **Why Our Relationship With Solitude Matters in Our 20s** - Host Gemma introduces the core thesis: our ability to be alone shapes major life decisions, from the partners we choose to the cities we avoid.
- 2 (06:17) **Why Being Alone Feels So Uncomfortable: Beyond Evolution** - Gemma critiques the simple evolutionary explanation and introduces a more modern psychological reason for our aversion.
- 3 (09:49) **The Social Stigma of Being Alone** - Research shows that people who seek solitude are often judged negatively, which deepens our fear of being seen alone.
- 4 (11:42) **The Crucial Distinction: Solitude vs. Loneliness** - The host argues that conflating solitude with loneliness is a major PR problem for time spent alone.
- 5 (14:16) **What You Miss When You Flee From Alone Time** - Avoiding solitude prevents you from developing crucial psychological skills and emotional resilience.
- 6 (16:49) **The Benefits of Solitude: Emotional Independence & Self-Reflection** - Time alone forces you to become your own primary source of validation and comfort.
- 7 (19:00) **The "Capacity to Be Alone" (Winnicott's Theory)** - An old but powerful psychoanalytic concept about the link between solitude, intelligence, and creativity.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
The fear of missing out or not seizing every moment are some of the biggest worries we experience in our 20s. However, spending time alone isn’t the same as being lonely or doing nothing - in fact, it’s quite the opposite. In this episode, we explore why we resist being alone - but why learning to do so is psychologically positive, and can even be a superpower.
Watch on Netflix: HERE
• Why we culturally and socially villainise solitude
• How constantly being online interrupts our ability to be truly alone
• The creative and emotional benefits of spending time alone
• Why our capacity to be alone is a reflection of our overall maturity
• How we can embrace the power of solitude
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s
For business: [email protected]
Our favourite sources:
https://spsp.org/news-center/character-context-blog/social-costs-seeking-solitude
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/feb/02/quiet-please-the-remarkable-power-of-silence-for-our-bodies-and-our-minds
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
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