How to Be More Interesting

In a 2021 study, 1,800 participants were paired up and given lists of questions to ask each other. Those who asked deeper, more personal questions were consistently rated as more interesting by their conversation partners—not because of what they revealed about themselves, but because of the genuine curiosity they showed toward others. This finding captures the central paradox of being interesting: it has less to do with having extraordinary stories to tell and more to do with how you engage with the people around you.

What Actually Makes Someone Interesting

Interestingness operates on two levels. The first is subjective—someone who talks endlessly about football might fascinate one person and bore another. But the second level is more objective: certain people have a quality that draws others in regardless of the topic. The host identifies three core traits that define these people.

First, interesting people are genuinely interested in others. They ask questions to understand, not to debate or steer the conversation back to themselves. This creates what psychologists call a "disclosure gap"—the other person talks more, which makes the listener seem mysterious and compelling. The host recalls a former colleague who asked such unexpected questions that everyone felt drawn to him, simply because he made them feel seen.