Harvard Business School Professor: How to Become More Confident, Influential, and Communicate Better
May 4, 2026
AI Summary
5 min readHarvard Business School professor Leslie John argues that undersharing—holding back personal truths—harms relationships, careers, and well-being more than the oversharing most people fear. In this Mel Robbins Podcast episode, she draws on randomized experiments, brain scans, and real-world examples to show how wisely revealing sensitive information builds trust and unlocks opportunities, turning disclosure into a learnable skill.
The Trust Penalty of Withholding
John's research reveals a core mechanism: people distrust those who hide information, even if the revealed fact is negative. In thought experiments, participants choosing between dates preferred someone admitting to STDs (65% choice) over a refuser, and 89% picked a job applicant who disclosed poor grades over one who opted out. Hiders trigger suspicion because refusal implies concealment, while revealers signal trust by relinquishing control, prompting reciprocity.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:00) **Intro Hook on Undersharing** - Mel challenges the fear of oversharing, teases guest's research showing undersharing damages relationships more
- 2 (03:42) **Guest Introduction: Dr. Leslie John** - Harvard prof and author of "Revealing" explains her expertise on disclosure and decision-making
- 3 (05:00) **Life-Changing Benefits of Wise Revealing** - Skill of openness boosts EQ, reduces stress/rumination, enhances joy, career influence
- 4 (06:48) **Selling Oversharing to Type-A Students** - Reveals build trust/money in business; starts with profit examples for skeptics
- 5 (10:17) **Breakthrough Thought Experiments on Trust** - People prefer revealers of bad news (STDs, failed grades) over hiders due to inferred trustworthiness
- 6 (14:28) **Why We Default to Hiding (Irony)** - Instinct to avoid judgment backfires; undersharers seem untrustworthy despite good intentions
- 7 (16:16) **Neuroscience: Pleasure of Self-Revelation** - Brain's pleasure centers activate when revealing truths about self, even neutral facts
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Show Notes
Today's episode is going to completely change the way you think about every conversation you've been too afraid to have.
Ever wonder why your relationships feel surface level, even after years?
Why you feel lonely, even when you're surrounded by people?
Why you say “I’m fine,” even when you’re not?
Why some people earn trust instantly, while you struggle to be taken seriously?
Harvard Business School’s Dr. Leslie K. John, a behavioral scientist who has spent decades studying honesty, trust, privacy, regret, and decision-making, is here to teach you the answer – and it's not what you think.
In today’s episode, you will learn the surprising science of honesty, vulnerability, and human connection.
Her research has found why the things you don't say are quietly hurting your health, your relationships, and your career – and exactly what to do about it.
For years, the advice has been: don't overshare, at work or with friends. Keep things private. But decades of Harvard research say that advice is backwards.
Dr. John's findings are shocking, and reveal that the real problem, the one deepening loneliness and costing you the career and connections you want, is undersharing.
In this episode, you’ll learn that 89% of people would choose to work with, trust, and hire someone who reveals something difficult, even something unflattering, over someone who stays quiet.
That keeping secrets doesn't just feel heavy. Research shows it lowers cognitive performance, IQ, and is linked to measurable declines in physical health.
That one of the most common deathbed regrets is “I wish I had shared my feelings more.”
That you can use The Disclosure Matrix, which is the exact decision-making tool Dr. John teaches at Harvard Business School, so you always know when to speak up and when to stay quiet.
And, you’ll learn the 2-sentence framework that makes any hard conversation easier to start.
If you've ever held something back because you didn't want to make things awkward, said "I'm fine" when you weren't, or wished your relationships felt deeper and more honest, this episode will change the way you communicate forever.
For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. Get Dr. John's book Revealing here.
If you liked the episode, check out this one next: Stanford Luck Researcher: How to Manifest the Life You Want
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