The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast

Body Language Expert: 6 Psychological Tricks to Turn Awkwardness into Confidence

September 26, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

The Hidden Cost of Ambivalence

Behavioral researcher Vanessa Van Edwards, who teaches at Harvard’s professional and executive development program, opens with a counterintuitive distinction that reorients the entire conversation: there are two separate kinds of energy, and most people manage only one of them. Social energy is what you spend on conversations, managing difficult people, presenting ideas, and navigating interpersonal conflict. Work energy is what you use to tackle tasks, break down goals, and get through your day. High achievers are relentless about managing both—not by working harder, but by becoming “assertive with their energy.”

The most surprising finding is that the real energy drain isn’t toxic people or hateful tasks. It’s ambivalence. Van Edwards calls ambivalent relationships “an app running in the background”—they drain more than the good relationships and the toxic ones combined. The person you feel neutral about, the friend you see on your calendar and think “should I cancel?,” the task you “kind of like” but don’t love—these are the silent burnout drivers. Her advice is blunt: put a question mark next to those people and tasks, then stop engaging with them for a while. If you don’t miss them, they were costing you more than you knew.

The Body Language That Breaks the Awkward Loop

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What you'll learn

  • 1 Timestamped Outline
  • 2 (00:08) **Introduction: The Power of Body Language** - Mel introduces the episode's focus on six psychological tricks to transform awkwardness into confidence using body language
  • 3 (05:43) **High Achievers vs. Burnout** - Vanessa defines what distinguishes high performers from people who are simply busy or burnt out
  • 4 (08:13) **Social Energy vs. Work Energy** - Vanessa introduces the first pattern of highly effective people: understanding two distinct types of energy
  • 5 (11:35) **The Danger of Ambivalent Relationships** - Vanessa explains why "kind of" liking someone or something is actually more draining than toxic relationships
  • 6 (15:32) **Top Habits of High Achievers** - Vanessa shares four research-backed habits: energy awareness, Pygmalion effect, no ambivalence, and the power of liking
  • 7 (21:55) **Authenticity vs. Faking It** - Vanessa addresses whether "fake it till you make it" actually works

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Guests on this episode

Vanessa Van Edwards

Show Notes

Do you want to know how to talk to anyone with ease and confidence?

In this episode, you will learn science-backed psychological tricks to be more successful, charismatic, and influential today.

Today, Mel is bringing back one of the most tactical and empowering conversations ever on The Mel Robbins Podcast, with a brand-new introduction and new insights for right now.

Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral researcher, bestselling author, and the founder of Science of People, a behavior lab that studies high achievers and the science of confidence, charisma, communication, and body language. She also teaches at Harvard University’s Professional and Executive Development program. 

Her research shows that your body is communicating before you ever say a word.

And with a few simple changes, you can start showing up with more confidence immediately.

You’ll learn exactly what to do with your shoulders, your hands, your voice, and even where you stand in a room so you feel less awkward and more powerful.

You’ll also learn why some conversations feel effortless while others fall flat, how highly influential people communicate differently, and the small psychological cues that can help you connect with almost anyone.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

-The best place to stand at a networking event if you do not know anyone

-Why standing near the entrance is one of the worst places to meet people

-The conversation starter that never works

-How where you sit at work can boost - or hurt - your productivity

-The A-B-C-D exercise that can help you work with your strengths, protect your energy, and prevent burnout

Whether you want to become a better leader, make new friends, land the job, or simply feel more confident in the moments that matter, you’ll leave this episode with practical tools you can start using immediately.

For more resources related to today’s 

episode, click here for the podcast episode page.

If you liked the episode, check out this one next: How to Talk to Difficult People: Proven Strategies to Stop Arguments & Feel Connected Again

 

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