On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Vinh Giang: How to Communicate So People Actually Listen to You

October 26, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Vinh Giang, a communication expert and author of Before We Forget How to Connect, joined Jay Shetty to break down why so many conversations feel hollow and how to make them meaningful. The episode centers on a practical, learnable framework for communication that treats voice, body language, and listening as a set of skills anyone can develop, rather than fixed personality traits. The conversation moves from a simple icebreaker game to deep strategies for handling conflict, speaking up in meetings, and managing the nerves that come with being put on the spot.

The "HiLo Buffalo" Game as a Conversational Engine

The most immediately actionable tool Giang offers is a game called "HiLo Buffalo." Instead of defaulting to "How's life?" and getting a generic "Busy," he suggests asking someone to share a High (something going well), a Low (something not going well), and a Buffalo (something interesting about them). Jay and Vinh play it live, and within minutes, they are discussing deeply personal topics—Jay’s pride in his team’s alignment, Vinh’s grief over a mentor who died before seeing his success, and their unexpected hobbies (Jay’s excitement for GTA 6, Vinh’s doomsday prepping).

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What you'll learn

  • 1 (02:40) **Welcome & the Hilo Buffalo Game** - Jay introduces Vinh Giang and his book "Before We Forget How to Connect," then they play a connection game to catch up.
  • 2 (16:16) **Conversational Threads: How to Escape Small Talk** - Vinh explains why conversations feel shallow and how to pull on the threads people give you to create instant depth.
  • 3 (19:36) **Sharing Wins Without Sounding Arrogant** - How to be proud of your achievements and share them without being perceived as egotistical.
  • 4 (23:06) **Why Gen Z Struggles with Communication** - Addressing the communication skill gap in the workforce and the trap of letting your work speak for itself.
  • 5 (25:26) **The "Last Word, Last Letter" Listening Game** - A practical game to test how well you truly listen, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak.
  • 6 (29:51) **The Four Modalities of Listening** - Moving beyond just hearing words to listening with your eyes, ears, and heart.
  • 7 (35:48) **How to Speak So People Actually Listen** - The difference between being engaging and creating meaningful depth in a conversation.

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Guests on this episode

Jay Shetty

Show Notes

Communication expert Vinh Giang joins Jay to share practical tools from his first book, Before We Forget How to Connect, to help you become a more confident communicator and build deeper, more meaningful connections. Vinh explains how to become a better listener, avoid common communication mistakes, and speak so people actually pay attention. From sounding confident when you're nervous to speaking up in meetings, navigating difficult conversations, and making a great first impression, Vinh shares simple techniques to help you communicate more effectively and connect with people in every area of your life.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

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What We Discuss:

00:00 Introduction

00:25 Before We Forget How To Connect

01:52 The High-Low Buffalo Icebreaker

02:45 Sharing Personal Highs

05:15 Sharing Personal Lows

11:40 Sharing Personal Buffalos

13:40 Escaping Small Talk

16:10 Overcoming Self-Judgment

17:58 Sharing Wins Without Sounding Arrogant

19:50 Communication Beyond The Script

20:40 Gen Z's Communication Struggles

23:20 Last Word, Last Letter Game

27:20 The Four Modalities Of Listening

29:50 The Three Follow-Up Questions Rule

35:50 How Do You Make A Great First Impression?

40:10 Reading the Room, Not Formulas

44:10 Finding Your Unique Voice

49:00 Life As A Book: New Chapters

50:40 Building Executive Presence

53:20 Fix Your Resting Blank Face

58:30 Filming Yourself For Self-Awareness

01:02:20 When Your Mind Goes Blank

01:06:10 The Power Of The Pause

01:09:30 How Can You Sound Confident When You’re Nervous?

01:14:40 From Texting Chemistry to Real-Life Connection

01:18:40 How to Communicate Better During Arguments

01:20:20 Learning to Speak Up In Meetings

01:25:45 How to Join a Conversation Without Feeling Awkward

01:28:20 Leaving A Conversation Gracefully

01:31:4 Embracing Vulnerability

Episode Resources:

Book | https://vinhgiang.com/before-we-forget-how-to-connect

Website | https://vinhgiang.com/

YouTube | https://youtube.com/@askvinh

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/share/1CCPX1ChrP/?mibextid=wwXIfr

LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/vinhgiang

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