AI Summary
5 min read“I was like, I don't know how to have fun. I just don't know what joy feels like anymore.” That is what Camila Mendes, star of Riverdale and Masters of the Universe, told her now-fiancé Rudy Mancuso after a weekend at Coachella. She had spent the entire trip managing other people’s enjoyment, curating Instagram content, and treating every moment as something to maximize and optimize. When she got in the car to go home, she started crying. The realization that followed — that her perfectionism had turned her life into a treadmill of obligation and self-criticism — sent her to the Hoffman Institute, a week-long intensive with no phones, no books, and no escape from her own feelings. In a conversation with Jay Shetty, Mendes walks through what it took to stop performing her own life and start living it.
The Perfectionism Trap: From Riverdale to Rock Bottom
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What you'll learn
- 1 (02:17) **Camila Mendes Introduces Her Current Season of Life** - The actress discusses what she's most excited about right now: building a home, a future, and a family.
- 2 (05:35) **The Core Challenge: Juggling an All-Consuming Career** - Mendes identifies the hardest part of her current success is balancing it all, especially the feeling of neglecting other parts of her life during a press tour.
- 3 (09:50) **Learning to Rest and Trust in Longevity** - Mendes explains how she overcame the guilt of resting, a decision that came after hitting a "rock bottom" of non-stop work on *Riverdale*.
- 4 (12:34) **Rock Bottom: The Inability to Say No and the Loss of Joy** - Mendes details the moment she realized her perfectionism was ruining her life, describing a trip to Coachella that felt like work.
- 5 (14:51) **The Turning Point: Choosing the Hoffman Institute** - Mendes recounts the difficult decision to attend the Hoffman Institute, a week-long, no-phone retreat, after a huge fight with her mother.
- 6 (17:38) **The Core Lesson: "You're Your Mommy Now"** - Mendes shares the most profound lesson from the retreat: the realization that she must become her own caretaker.
- 7 (20:56) **Holding Two Truths: Love and Abandonment** - Mendes contextualizes her healing by sharing a specific childhood wound: the feeling of being abandoned by her mother during a first heartbreak.
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Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Actress and producer Camila Mendes joins Jay for an honest conversation about the hidden cost of perfectionism, the pressure behind success, and what it took to finally choose herself. Camila opens up about the breaking point that forced her to confront old wounds, heal her relationship with food, reconnect with her Brazilian identity, and redefine what spirituality, self-worth, and love really mean.
Together, they explore why chasing perfection often leaves us feeling empty, how slowing down can become the greatest act of self-respect, and why true confidence isn't about having everything figured out, but about accepting yourself exactly as you are.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00:00 Intro
00:01:17 What Excites You Most Right Now?
00:01:57 Designing a Home That Feels Like You
00:03:32 The Challenge of Balance
00:05:26 Living One Day at a Time
00:07:24 The Importance of Learning Your Limits
00:10:09 Why Saying "No" Feels So Hard
00:15:08 Revisiting an Old Wound
00:19:56 Holding Two Truths at Once
00:21:10 Growing Up Between Cultures
00:23:12 Returning to Your Roots
00:24:41 Finding Spirituality Later in Life
00:29:44 The Power of Questioning Your Beliefs
00:31:11 Growing Up Without Stability
00:34:37 The Freedom of Imperfection
00:36:27 The Anxiety No One Could See
00:40:03 When You Have to Numb Out
00:41:45 Living With Your Own Worst Critic
00:44:35 Healing Your Relationship with Food
00:46:14 Recovering from an Eating Disorder
00:48:07 Getting Honest About Body
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