You can have a good divorce

July 7, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Divorce coach Karen McNenny calls her first husband her “dear first husband.” When people assume he’s dead, she corrects them: he’s not dead, and she would never wish him gone. He is, she says, “a wonderful influence and support to our children.” That framing—seeing a former spouse as a continuing presence in the family, not an enemy to be erased—is the core of what McNenny calls a “good divorce.” In conversation with Life Kit host Mariel Segarra, McNenny argues that most divorcing couples can choose a less destructive path, one that protects the future of the family while dissolving the marriage. The key is to treat divorce as a tool for renovation, not a weapon for destruction.

Divorce as a tool, not a weapon

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What you'll learn

1 (00:20) **Guest Introduction: Karen McNenny's "Good Divorce" Philosophy** - Certified divorce coach and co-parenting specialist explains why she calls her former husband her "first husband" and introduces the concept of a good divorce.
2 (03:04) **Divorce as a Tool, Not a Weapon** - Karen shares how she reframed divorce from a destructive weapon to a tool for family renovation.
3 (05:50) **Takeaway 1: Divorce as a Tool** - Pull it out of the box sooner rather than later to avoid building a case against your spouse.
4 (10:10) **Tenet: Do No More Harm** - A therapist's powerful reminder that enough harm has already been done, and you can stop the cycle.
5 (12:05) **Communication Strategy: The Joint Message** - How to tell your community about the divorce in a unified way to prevent gossip and set a respectful tone.
6 (13:46) **Tenet: Work Towards Indifference** - Indifference means not getting triggered by your former spouse's actions, not having no feelings.
7 (17:48) **Co-Parenting: Flexibility and Logistics** - Making the transition to two homes easier for kids by being flexible with schedules and gear.

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Show Notes

A lot of marriages end in divorce. As painful as it can be, there’s a way for separating partners to engage with the divorce process in a healthy way. Karen McNenny, certified divorce coach and author of The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family, shares tenets for transforming your family without becoming bitter.

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