How to dump an energy vampire

A listener writes in worried about losing friends when her life is going better than theirs. She has friends dealing with a parent’s health issues, financial struggles, and caregiving responsibilities, and she has become scared to share her own career wins. The Life Kit team’s first instinct is to push back against the idea that you should hide your good news. Host Marielle Segata shares that when she had cancer at 34, friends hesitated to tell her about their own problems — even bad ones like breakups — because they felt their troubles didn’t compare. She told them that wasn’t how she saw the world: “It’s like Pain Olympics.” For her, hearing about friends’ good experiences reminded her there was good on the other side of treatment. The team agrees that showing up for people when good things happen is just as important as showing up during hard times. One practical trick: ask yourself, in the reverse situation, would you be offended? If a friend was down and you were up, would you want them to hide their joy? Probably not. The team also notes that if you don’t feel comfortable celebrating with a friend no matter where they are in life, that might be a sign the friendship isn’t as solid as you thought.

How to handle an “energy vampire” you can’t avoid