Feeling insecure? Try this memory-update exercise

September 15, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

When a memory still hurts, you can rewrite its emotional script

Marissa Franco, psychologist and author of Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, describes a childhood memory that still stings: her mom showing up late to soccer practice. As a kid, she felt ashamed, embarrassed, different from everyone else, powerless. It sounds small. But that's the point. "You can often be surprised how small things can actually land really big for you, particularly when they happen in childhood," she says.

The exercise she walks through with Life Kit host Mariel Segarra is called memory reconsolidation. The underlying science is straightforward: when you recall a memory in a new context, your brain has a brief window to update it. "Researchers say memories are the database of self-esteem," Franco explains. "And the thing about memories is they don't just record the past, they predict the future." A part of you assumes what happened before will happen again — someone will abandon you, just like your parent might have. Your body recreates those past experiences in the present, triggering the same body state now. But you can intervene.

What makes a memory worth revisiting

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What you'll learn

1 (00:00) **Episode Open & The Core Idea** - Host Mariel Segarra introduces the episode with a clip of psychologist Marissa Franco performing a memory reconsolidation exercise, then explains the underlying theory.
2 (05:05) **What is an "Open" Memory?** - Franco defines the key concept of an "open" memory, which is the only type suitable for this exercise.
3 (06:09) **When to Do This Alone vs. With a Therapist** - Franco provides a crucial safety guideline for choosing which memories to work with on your own.
4 (07:03) **Takeaway 1: Choose Your Memory** - The first actionable step: select a memory that is open and still hurts.
5 (08:14) **Why Emotion is More Important Than the Memory** - Franco explains the goal is to process unprocessed emotion, not to erase a memory.
6 (08:56) **Walkthrough: Recalling the Memory** - Host Mariel and Franco begin the exercise, with Franco using her own childhood memory. This is the first step: vivid recall.
7 (10:15) **Takeaway 2 & 3: Intervene as Your Adult Self** - The core of the exercise: your current self enters the memory to change the outcome for your younger self.

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Guests on this episode

Marissa Franco Mariel Segarra

Show Notes

Memories from your past can affect your self worth in the present. Marisa Franco, psychologist and author of the book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, shares a memory-updating technique you can use daily to boost your self-esteem and feel more secure.

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