What we’re getting wrong about narcissists

The term "narcissist" gets thrown around constantly in everyday conversation, but according to neuroscientist Dr. Dean Burnett, what most people mean when they use it is almost nothing like the actual clinical condition. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable mental health condition that causes genuine problems for those who have it—not just for the people around them. And one of the most counterintuitive things about it is that many narcissists actually suffer from profound self-loathing.

The two faces of narcissism

The classic image of a narcissist is someone who is boastful, attention-seeking, and convinced of their own superiority. But Burnett explains that NPD can express itself in two very different ways. The first is the grandiose type—the person who says "I'm the best, look at me," the Donald Trump archetype. The second is what some researchers call "vulnerable narcissism," and it looks almost the opposite on the surface.

"You can be either very grandiose, very boastful, very confident, or you can have constant problems," Burnett says. "You can be very, very bad at sustaining a career because nothing meets your standards, and you become really hard to work with. Relationships you can't stay in because every partner you potentially have is insufficient or inadequate."