AI Summary
5 min readDr. Marc Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, opens the conversation with a crucial reframe: emotional regulation is not about getting rid of feelings. "It's just having another relationship to it," he says. He describes living with anxiety for much of his life, but sometimes he simply says hello to it. "Hey, how are you doing today? And it goes away pretty quickly. Or it just sits there." Most of the time, emotions belong in the background. "If you thought about your feelings all day long, you wouldn't be able to do this podcast." They matter when there is a shift in the environment or a relationship. That is where the choice happens, and that is where the magic is.
The Formula for Regulation
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What you'll learn
- 1 (03:33) **Defining Emotion Regulation** - Brackett offers a formula: ER = goals + strategies, a function of emotion, person, and context.
- 2 (06:05) **The Trap of Self-Awareness vs. Being Present** - Huberman and Brackett discuss the tension between monitoring one's emotions and being fully engaged in an experience.
- 3 (08:10) **Reframing Anxiety** - Brackett shares a personal story that changed his relationship with anxiety from hatred to acceptance.
- 4 (10:14) **Emotions Don't Always Need to Go Anywhere** - Brackett corrects the common misconception that regulation means getting rid of a feeling.
- 5 (14:00) **The Learned Relationship with Happiness** - Huberman and Brackett explore the social and developmental biases that shape how we allow ourselves to feel good.
- 6 (22:17) **Boys, Men, and the Stigma of Vulnerability** - The conversation turns to gender differences in emotional expression, specifically the link between vulnerability and perceived weakness for males.
- 7 (26:58) **The Socialization of Emotional Suppression** - Brackett argues that the inhibition of emotion in boys is a learned behavior, not a biological imperative.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Dr. Marc Brackett, PhD, is founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. We discuss the science of emotion regulation and practical tools to increase your emotional intelligence. Dr. Brackett clarifies exactly how to do that both in the context of relationships, but also things that you can do on your own to become more emotionally intelligent to later serve you in the context of relationships, work, school, etc. We also discuss how your childhood experiences influence your relationship with emotions, with particular emphasis on how boys and men are socialized around emotional processing and expression.
Read the show notes at hubermanlab.com.
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Timestamps
(00:00:00) Marc Brackett
(00:02:55) Emotion Regulation
(00:05:53) Emotion Mindset, Anxiety; Good or Bad Emotions?
(00:11:25) Sponsors: Joovv & Lingo
(00:13:54) Permission for Happiness; Gender, Emotion Suppression
(00:22:13) Young Men, Vulnerability, Incapable; Gay Men
(00:31:00) Boys & Men, Crying; Emotion Socialization
(00:37:34) Sponsor: AG1
(00:38:58) Physical Interaction; Rough/Tumble Play, Teaching Emotion Regulation
(00:46:47) Emotion Calibration, Tools: Leaders & Being a Role Model; Meta-Moment
(00:56:15) Meditation & Stress Tolerance, Tool: Label Emotions; Childhood
(01:03:12) Sponsor: LMNT
(01:04:32) Understand Your Assumptions, Tool: Intentional Co-Regulation
(01:12:09) Vocabulary & Rethinking Emotion, Tool: Reframing
(01:15:49) Emotional Intelligence Training, Self-Evaluation
(01:22:15) Living with Discomfort & Emotional Intelligence
(01:27:01) Marc's Work & Criticism; Emotion "Leakage" & Switching Mindset
(01:34:19) Sponsor: Rorra
(01:35:32) Excitement, Positive Emotion; Modern Concerns, AI & Disconnection
(01:45:11) Major Societal Challenges & Everyday Progress
(01:54:38) Physical/Emotional Identity & Envision Best Self, Tool: Meta-Moment
(02:05:33) Emotional Intelligence
(02:12:46) Curiosity & Compassion; Reflection, Identity
(02:19:32) Point of Connection Game
(02:25:02) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow, Reviews & Feedback, Sponsors, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter