How to Be a Better Human
How to Be a Better Human

How to be a caregiver (w/ Courtney Martin)

February 23, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Courtney Martin, a writer and journalist who has spent years covering caregiving, is now living it as a "sandwich generation" caregiver: she has two daughters, lives with her mother who has chronic illnesses, and is the primary point person for her father, who has advanced dementia and lives in a memory care facility. In this conversation with host Chris Duffy, she describes caregiving as "an existential portal"—the most meaningful, challenging, and beautiful part of the human condition. But she also insists on being real about the rage, grief, and systemic failures that come with it.

The dementia paradox: unbecoming and becoming

Martin's father was diagnosed with early-onset frontotemporal dementia about a decade ago. He was a lifelong Buddhist who struggled with anxiety and ego. Now, with advanced dementia, he is "the most Buddhist he's ever been"—the most mindful, the least egoic. Martin describes watching her father "unbecome himself" at the same time her children are becoming themselves, creating a "wild crosscurrent." She reads Pema Chödrön aloud to him, not knowing how much he absorbs. They sing Beatles and Bob Seger songs together; he has no words for conversation but still has words for singing. "It's like, okay, today that's the form of connection and that's his essence. It's still intact."

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What you'll learn

  • 1 (00:50) **Courtney's Caregiving Reality** - Courtney describes her "sandwich generation" caregiving: two daughters (9 and 12), living with her mom (late 70s, chronic illness), and primary caregiver for her dad (advanced dementia in memory care).
  • 2 (04:11) **Caregiving as an "Existential Portal"** - Courtney frames caregiving as the most meaningful, challenging, and beautiful part of the human condition, blending spiritual insight with systemic questions.
  • 3 (05:12) **The Portal with Her Dad: Dementia, Ego, and Connection** - Courtney describes watching her father "unbecome himself" while her kids "become themselves," and how his dementia has stripped away his anxiety and ego.
  • 4 (09:10) **Solutions Journalism as a Caregiving Tool** - Courtney explains how her background in solutions journalism helps her channel grief and rage into reporting on systemic problems in elder care.
  • 5 (12:21) **Example of Solutions Journalism: "Fine Print Justice"** - Chris reads a paragraph from Courtney's article that boils down a reform playbook into actionable steps.
  • 6 (14:11) **The Roots of Coalition-Building** - Courtney traces her instinct to "collectivize" problems back to her mother, who co-founded the Rocky Mountain Women's Film Festival in a conservative town.
  • 7 (18:39) **The "Skinless" Feeling of Caregiving** - Chris describes the raw, exposed emotional state of being a caregiver for his ill wife, and how he later felt the same intense feeling during the positive experience of having a baby.

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Show Notes

If you could switch places with someone and peek into their mind, who would you pick? For journalist Courtney Martin, she chose her aging dad with advanced dementia. Courtney joins Chris to talk about her deep desire to understand her father’s experiences, what it’s like to witness a loved one's health decline, and why it’s important to practice asking for help. This is a perfect episode to listen to if you’re taking care of a loved one (or know someone who is) and want practical ways to be kinder to caregivers.


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