Cultivating a Healthy Marriage (Part 2) – Q&A

In a Q&A session following a sermon on marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller fielded questions from their congregation on in-laws, sex, spiritual disparity, headship, and the pain of feeling you married the wrong person. The Kellers consistently returned to a single organizing principle: marriage is a garden that requires active, intentional cultivation, not a static state you enter and then coast through. The most difficult questions—about mismatched libidos, uncooperative spouses, and the scars of past damage—were met not with pat formulas but with a call to sacrificial service, community accountability, and a sober acceptance that growth often comes through sustained difficulty.

In-Laws, Sex, and the Priority of the New Unit

When asked about in-laws, Tim Keller gave a crisp rule: "He has to deal with his parents, you have to deal with your parents." The couple is a new one-flesh unit, and while they can borrow from either family of origin, they must create their own customs. Kathy Keller added the corollary of a united front—each spouse defends the new unit's decisions to their own parents, not the other way around.