AI Summary
5 min read"Conflict in your marriage doesn't mean anything is wrong. It just means that you're married." That line from Melody Fabian lands early in this conversation and sets the tone for a grounded, hour-long discussion about what it actually takes to build a lasting marriage. The Fabians—CD and Melody—have been counseling couples for years and speak at large marriage conferences, and they join Preston and Jackie Perry to walk through the mechanics of fighting for a marriage, not against a spouse. The conversation is less about lofty ideals and more about the daily, often invisible work of staying connected.
Communication, Distraction, and the Levels of Oneness
The most pressing need the Fabians see in marriages is a breakdown in communication, often fueled by distraction. CD names the problem with a memorable image: he used to get jealous of Melody’s phone, which he nicknamed "Jerome." "Late at night, she's on Jerome," he says. "We go out to dinner and she's on Jerome." The couple eventually made a pact: Melody can take a picture of their food on a date, but then the phone goes away. No phones at the dinner table. This isn't just about politeness—it’s about preserving the primary vehicle for oneness.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (01:04) **Marriage Expectations vs. Reality** - The host asks guest Melody how she imagined marriage before she was married, revealing a contrast between idealistic expectations and real life.
- 2 (01:50) **Introducing the Mentors** - The host introduces guests CD and Melody Fabian, who have been mentors to him since 2012, and credits them with helping him love his wife and children.
- 3 (04:09) **Pressing Needs in Marriages** - The guests identify the most common problems they see in the couples they counsel, including communication breakdowns and specific areas of conflict.
- 4 (05:51) **The Distraction of Technology** - CD shares a personal story about feeling jealous of his wife's phone, which he named "Jerome," to illustrate how technology creates a lack of connection between partners.
- 5 (07:50) **The Importance of Communication and Oneness** - The conversation shifts to why poor communication is so damaging, emphasizing that it prevents couples from knowing what their spouse is feeling and leads to dangerous assumptions.
- 6 (11:04) **Finding the Balance in Sharing** - The host asks if there is a limit to what a spouse should share, questioning if sharing too much can be a problem.
- 7 (13:13) **Scheduling Sex and Intimacy** - The conversation touches on the idea of scheduling sex, with the guests affirming it as a way to reserve special time, but noting that it's possible to have sex without being intimately close.
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Guests on this episode
Show Notes
With The Perrys is taking some time this summer to revisit popular episodes from years past.
Jackie and Preston sit down with mentors and friends CD and Melody Fabien to talk about what it really looks like to fight for intimacy in marriage. They unpack some of the habits and rhythms that quietly create distance, the importance of healthy communication, and why it's so easy to start building a case against your spouse instead of pursuing connection.
Whether you're newly married or decades in, this conversation offers practical wisdom for navigating conflict, staying connected, and growing in oneness together.
Connect with Melody and CD Fabien:
https://www.instagram.com/melodyfabien
https://www.instagram.com/cdfabien/
https://www.youtube.com/@hangingwiththefabiens
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With The Perrys is a podcast where biblical truth meets honest conversation. Join Preston Perry and Jackie Hill Perry as they discuss theology, relationships, parenting, culture, and the everyday realities of following Jesus. With humor, transparency, and a deep commitment to Scripture, each episode aims to point listeners back to Christ, deepen their understanding of God's Word, and encourage faithful obedience in every area of life.
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