We're Out of Time
We're Out of Time

Stephan Speaks: Why You Keep Choosing the Wrong Person, and How to Stop

August 25, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Why You Keep Choosing the Wrong Person, and How to Stop

Stephan Speaks on healing, self-knowledge, and the conditions for real partnership

The most common mistake people make in relationships isn't choosing someone who is obviously wrong for them. It's choosing someone while looking at life through broken glasses. As Stephan Speaks puts it: "When you're not healed, you're looking at life through broken glasses. You cannot see as straight as you could had you gone through the healing process."

Stephan—a former IT and accounting professional turned relationship coach and author of The Man God Has for You—argues that the single red flag people ignore most often is a lack of healing in themselves and others. Because so many people haven't done their own work, "consciously or subconsciously, they give a pass to other individuals for their lack of health." And because they haven't healed, they can't efficiently recognize those issues in others or see them for what they are.

The protective mindset trap

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What you'll learn

  • 1 (02:08) **Introduction of Stephan Speaks** - Host welcomes Stephan, a best-selling author and relationship coach known for practical, common-sense advice.
  • 2 (06:37) **The Biggest Lesson: Self-Acceptance** - Stephan reveals that people don't truly know or accept themselves, which leads them to choose partners who don't fit.
  • 3 (09:09) **Why People Keep Choosing the Wrong Partner** - The core reason is a lack of healing from past hurts, causing people to choose from a protective, rather than flourishing, mindset.
  • 4 (11:04) **How to Achieve an Even, Mutual Love** - True love requires healing past fears and being willing to be fully vulnerable, while still keeping your eyes open for red flags.
  • 5 (14:40) **Women's Need for Safety: Internal vs. External** - Safety for a woman in a relationship must first be created internally through her own healing, before a man can effectively provide it.
  • 6 (20:03) **The Crucial Early Talk About Roles** - Couples should discuss their views on each partner's role in a relationship as early as possible to gauge long-term compatibility.
  • 7 (22:45) **Is Chemistry a Warning Signal?** - Chemistry is necessary but can blind you to whether a relationship can actually work long-term.

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Show Notes

Relationship coach Stephan Speaks joins Richard Taite to explain why healing, not chemistry, is what makes love last, and why so many of us keep choosing the wrong partner.


Stephan Speaks is a bestselling author, certified relationship coach, and speaker whose advice reaches millions through his videos, coaching, and his book The Man God Has for You.


In this episode: why unhealed pain drives bad partner choices, why chemistry can blind you to red flags instead of warning you about them, why women need to feel safe before they can fully show up in a relationship, and why couples who never define their roles set themselves up for conflict down the road. Plus, what's really driving the decline in marriage today, and why understanding the root of a behavior matters more than demanding someone change.


Before the interview, Richard shares an update on his partnership with the CDC Foundation's COPE (Community Overdose Prevention Efforts) campaign, matching every donation dollar for dollar up to $25,000. Learn more or give at cdcfoundation.org/cope.


Find Stephan Speaks: YouTube, Facebook and Instagram @StephanSpeaks, or shop at stephanspeakshop.com

Explore more about Richard Taite, We're Out of Time, and Carrara Treatment Wellness & Spa: https://linktr.ee/richardtaite


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