AI Summary
5 min read“I don’t understand. Like I would just not do that.” That’s the opening of a Vox episode about the state of modern manners, and it captures a near-universal feeling: other people are acting worse, and no one seems to agree on the rules anymore. Almost half of Americans say they’ve noticed people have gotten ruder since the pandemic. But as the episode’s guests argue, the problem isn’t simply that manners are declining. The deeper issue is that we have lost the shared framework—the social contract—for negotiating how to behave in public, and we are being actively incentivized to think as individuals rather than as members of a community.
The social contract is not dead, but it is under strain
Kirsty Sedgman, a professor at the University of Bristol and author of On Being Unreasonable, frames the entire conversation around what she calls the social contract: the system of rules and norms that encourage pro-social behavior and discourage deviance. This contract, she argues, is not a fancy idea—it is the reason human societies were able to form in the first place. “We were able to form these societies because we developed the ability to develop these contracts that would encourage us to trust strangers rather than to see them as a threat,” she says.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (01:27) **The Rudeness Epidemic** - Host JQ opens with a personal story about being cut in line, framing the episode's central question: has public behavior gotten worse since COVID?
- 2 (03:13) **Kirsty Sedgman: The Social Contract Defined** - Professor Kirsty Sedgman introduces the concept of the social contract as the foundation of civilized society.
- 3 (05:01) **Is the Social Contract Collapsing?** - Sedgman explains that complaints about declining civility are ancient, but today's individualism is a genuine threat.
- 4 (06:23) **Public Transit and the Prisoner's Dilemma** - The conversation shifts to why people act out on trains and planes, framed as a collective action problem.
- 5 (07:24) **The Reclining Seat Debate: "How" vs. "Whether"** - Sedgman offers a framework for navigating contested etiquette by focusing on process rather than absolute rules.
- 6 (09:05) **The Bag on the Seat and Performing Apology** - A discussion of the "bag on the empty seat" pet peeve reveals that social performance matters as much as compliance.
- 7 (12:49) **Lizzie Post: Etiquette is Not Elitist** - The host speaks with Lizzie Post, great-granddaughter of Emily Post, who argues that etiquette evolves and shouldn't be intimidating.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Show Notes
It’s not just about being nice. Manners allow us to peacefully coexist at work, in transit, and out in the wider world.
This episode was produced by Ariana Aspuru, edited by Jenny Lawton, fact-checked by Melissa Hirsch, engineered by Bridger Dunnagan, and hosted by Jonquilyn Hill.
Manspreading is the practice of some men sitting on public transportation with legs wide apart, thereby covering more than one seat. Photo by Mike Kemp/In Pictures via Getty Images.
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