Why You Feel Stuck and How to Actually Change | Dr. Katy Milkman

September 4, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Why You Feel Stuck and How to Actually Change

Eighty percent of people report feeling stuck in their lives, according to a recent survey. But the desire to change and the ability to do it are two different things. Behavioral scientist Katy Milkman, who co-directs the Behavior Change for Good initiative at the University of Pennsylvania, has spent her career studying why we fail to follow through on our own ambitions — and what actually works.

The Internal Barriers That Keep Us Stuck

Milkman distinguishes between two categories of barriers: structural ones (inequality, difficult circumstances) that are largely outside individual control, and internal ones that behavioral science can address. The biggest internal barrier is status quo bias — the tendency to stick with whatever path we're on because deviation feels frightening. This is closely related to escalation of commitment, where we weigh sunk costs (time, money, energy already invested) more heavily than we should. "What you need to do is think about what are my options going forward," Milkman says. "We focus on these sunk costs and think, 'I can't give that up.' But you're not gonna get it back no matter what."

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What you'll learn

1 (03:18) **Why 80% of People Feel Stuck** - Lewis opens by citing a statistic that 80% of people feel stuck, asking Dr. Milkman why change is so hard even when people desire it.
2 (06:47) **The Biggest Internal Barriers to Change** - Dr. Milkman outlines the primary internal obstacles that prevent people from taking action, even after they've decided they want to change.
3 (10:15) **The Fresh Start Effect** - Dr. Milkman explains how specific temporal landmarks create a psychological "new beginning" that boosts motivation to change.
4 (14:35) **Can You Change When Things Are Good?** - Dr. Milkman argues that positive milestones (like achieving tenure) can also serve as powerful fresh starts.
5 (19:24) **The Mindset Placebo Effect** - Dr. Milkman describes a landmark study showing how a simple belief change can lead to real physiological outcomes.
6 (21:50) **The Power of Your Social Circle** - Dr. Milkman argues that the people around you are the most powerful tool for building confidence and belief.
7 (28:34) **The "Coaching Others" Confidence Hack** - Dr. Milkman explains the science behind why giving advice builds more confidence than receiving it.

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Show Notes

80% of people feel stuck in their own lives right now, and it has nothing to do with willpower.

Dr. Katy Milkman, author of How to Change and professor at Wharton, breaks down why status quo bias and sunk cost thinking keep us glued to relationships, jobs, and habits that stopped working long ago. She explains the fresh start effect, why moments like Mondays, birthdays, and new zip codes actually rewire our motivation, and why waiting for a bigger breakdown might be costing you years.

You will hear how she turned a dreaded gym habit into something she craved just by pairing it with Harry Potter audiobooks, and why a Google experiment on exercise proved that flexible backup plans beat rigid discipline every single time. She also gets honest about her own struggle with work life balance, choosing late night work over time with her five year old, and what she is doing to change that pattern right now.

If you have ever broken a promise to yourself and felt the confidence drain out of you a little more each time, this conversation hands you the science to forgive yourself and start again smarter. Katy walks through commitment devices, temptation bundling, and the exact if then plans researchers use to make change stick long after the motivation fades.

How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

Dr. Katy’s website and newsletter

In this episode you will:

Diagnose the exact barrier, impulsivity, procrastination, forgetting, or low confidence, that’s keeping you stuck, and match it to the right fix
Harness the Fresh Start Effect to launch new habits at moments that actually stick, not just January 1st
Turn dreaded tasks into cravings using temptation bundling, like pairing workouts with audiobooks you can’t put down
Build flexibility into your goals with Marissa Sharif’s emergency reserve strategy so a missed day doesn’t derail your progress
Reframe big numbers into small daily wins, using the Acorns savings study, to make saving or goal-setting feel effortless
Recover from failure faster by understanding why rigidity, not lack of willpower, is what really breaks habits

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