AI Summary
5 min read“I wished you'd shut up,” Pádraig Ó Tuama reads in a poem about the exorcism he endured as a young gay man in Ireland. “I repeated Jesus Jesus Jesus / I wished he'd answered.” The poem is called “The Exorcist,” and it is one of seven sonnets he wrote about the reparative therapy and three exorcisms he was subjected to. The exorcist was from California. The therapy was global, well-funded, and backed by big churches. “This kind of hate comes in packages that are not convenient,” Ó Tuama tells Chip Conley on The Midlife Chrysalis. “It’s not like somebody walks in and says, I hate everything and everyone.”
Ó Tuama is a poet, theologian, and former leader of the Corrymeela community, a peacebuilding organization in Northern Ireland. He recently joined the faculty at Yale Divinity School. In this conversation, he and Conley explore belonging, midlife, the limits of language, and the slow work of reconciling sexuality and spirituality.
Belonging is not a simple good
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:05) **Episode Introduction** - Chip Conley introduces guest Pádraig Ó Tuama, an Irish poet, conflict mediator, and faculty member at Yale Divinity School, who will teach at MEA in Santa Fe.
- 2 (02:27) **Irish Poetry and Culture** - Ó Tuama explains why poetry is central to Irish culture, rooted in education and political history.
- 3 (04:06) **Poetry, Misunderstanding, and Conflict** - Ó Tuama discusses the purpose of poetry and its relationship to conflict, referencing Jacques Lacan's idea that "the very foundation of interhuman discourse is misunderstanding."
- 4 (06:58) **Becoming a Poet** - Ó Tuama shares his journey to writing poetry, preferring the action of "writing poems" over the identity of "poet."
- 5 (09:38) **Reconciling Sexuality and Spirituality** - Ó Tuama describes the long struggle to reconcile being gay with his Catholicism, including three exorcisms and years of reparative therapy.
- 6 (14:50) **Comparing Experiences of Reparative Therapy** - Chip shares his own experience with a sex surrogate as part of reparative therapy, and Ó Tuama connects it to misogyny.
- 7 (17:46) **Ad Break** - Chip offers his book "Learning to Love Midlife" for the cost of shipping.
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Guests on this episode
Show Notes
What does it mean to belong, to yourself, to others, and to a life that's constantly changing?
In this powerful conversation, Chip Conley sits down with Irish poet, theologian, and conflict mediator Padraig O Tuama to explore belonging, grief, identity, faith, and the wisdom that comes with midlife.
You'll learn:
- Why belonging isn't always what we think it is
- How poetry helps us navigate loss and uncertainty
- Padraig's journey through religion, sexuality, and reparative therapy
- What turning 40 taught him about mortality and meaning
- Why love may be life's most important practice
Filled with beautiful poetry, profound insights, and heartfelt stories, this episode is a reminder that even in life's most difficult seasons, you belong here.
Watch now and let us know: What line or insight stayed with you most?
Timestamps:
(02:30) Poetry as Cultural Memory
(05:19) The Purpose of Poetry
(06:41) When Is a Poem Finished?
(07:33) Becoming a Poet
(10:13) Faith, Sexuality, and Identity
(12:37) Exorcisms and Reparative Therapy
(19:16) Belonging and Conflict
(22:47) How to Be Alone
(25:12) Grief, Breathing, and Death
(30:16) Sleeping in His Mother's Bed
(33:19) Midlife and the Shock of Turning 40
(36:42) Birthday Prayer
(39:32) Midlife Awakening and Change
(41:36) The Facts of Life
(45:11) Love, Death, and Wisdom
(47:02) Desire, Lack, and Meaning
(48:13) Final Reflections and Closing
Learn more about MEA at https://www.meawisdom.com/
#Belonging #Authenticity #Midlife #Poetry #PadraigOTuama #SelfDiscovery #Identity #PersonalGrowth #Grief #LifeLessons #EmotionalHealing #TruthTelling #Purpose #HumanConnection #Wisdom
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