AI Summary
5 min readWhat To Do When Someone Pulls Away
The caller from Oklahoma has been married 33 years and has to beg her husband for a hug. When she asks, he gets angry. Jefferson Fisher hears the defeat in her voice and says it directly: "That breaks my heart." The question isn't really about a hug. The hug is a symptom. When someone won't draw close physically, Fisher explains, it's usually because closeness means vulnerability, and vulnerability means something scary — often hidden emotions like anger, shame, or grief. The question he would ask the husband is blunt: "Am I not worth a hug to you? Am I not worth a little bit?" But the deeper point for the caller is that she has agency. She gets to choose whether this is something she wants to live with or whether she's decided she won't be with someone who sees hugging her as a chore. And the most important thing she needs to hear, Fisher says, is that she is worth that hug.
When Someone Is Intentionally Mean
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What you'll learn
- 1 (02:48) **The Hug That Isn't Given** - A caller of 33 years asks how to get her husband to hug her without anger; Jefferson explores the deeper emotional roots behind physical distance.
- 2 (08:39) **Handling People Who Are Intentionally Mean** - A caller asks how to respond to mean people without being rude herself; Jefferson offers a non-escalation strategy.
- 3 (14:10) **Teens Facing Bullies: Finding Her Voice** - A mother asks how her 15-year-old daughter can respond to demeaning comments from boys in gym class.
- 4 (20:24) **Estrangement from an Adult Child** - A grandmother asks how to get her adult son, who has cut her off, to respond reasonably; Jefferson offers a framework for keeping the door open.
- 5 (29:02) **When the Past Keeps Getting Brought Up** - A sober caller asks how to move forward when her adult daughter keeps bringing up painful past events; Jefferson discusses the need for continued listening.
- 6 (34:36) **When Someone Dismisses Your Feelings** - A caller asks how to tell if something is "just in her head" and how to communicate with a partner who dismisses her concerns.
- 7 (40:34) **When Family Keeps Bringing Up Your Past** - A caller who overcame prison and losing his kids asks how to stop family from bringing up his past; Jefferson offers a boundary-setting framework.
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Guests on this episode
Show Notes
After 33 years of marriage, a woman called in to ask what she should do when her husband won't hug her—and becomes angry when she asks. And y'all, that question opened the door to some really honest conversations about hurt, loneliness, and what we do when the people closest to us don't show up the way we need them to.
We also talk about how to deal with intentionally mean people, helping teenagers stand up to bullies, navigating estrangement with an adult child, rebuilding trust after addiction, and how to know whether something is truly wrong in a relationship or if you're simply questioning yourself.
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