Don't You DARE Apologize For Crying

August 4, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

In a tense conversation, when you feel your eyes start to water and your face flush, the instinct is often to apologize. Jefferson Fisher’s advice is direct: don’t you dare. The episode breaks down what to do when you are the one tearing up, and how to handle it when someone else does in front of you. The core message is that crying is a biological release of tension, not a sign of weakness, and the way you respond—either as the crier or the witness—can either derail the conversation or keep it on track.

Why You Should Never Apologize for Crying

Fisher argues that apologizing for tears is a learned, unhelpful reflex. When you say "I'm so sorry," "I'm being ridiculous," or "please ignore me," you are actually calling attention to the crying rather than staying focused on the conversation. This forces the other person to manage your discomfort, shifting the topic from the issue at hand to your emotional state. The apology makes the tears the center of attention, which is exactly what you don’t want.

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What you'll learn

1 (00:00) **Don't Apologize for Crying** - Fisher opens with the core thesis: when you feel tears coming in an argument, say absolutely nothing and never apologize.
2 (01:02) **The Build-Up to Tears** - Fisher describes the physical sensation of tension rising before tears come.
3 (02:51) **Rule #1: Never Apologize** - The first actionable rule: do not say "I'm sorry" or "I'm being ridiculous."
4 (04:14) **Tears as a Release, Not Weakness** - Fisher re-frames crying as a biological pressure valve, not a sign of weakness.
5 (06:44) **Rule #2: Name and Label Your Tears** - Instead of apologizing, name the emotion behind the tears.
6 (08:37) **Keep Talking Through the Tears** - After labeling, continue the conversation without stopping.
7 (09:39) **Ad Break: Cozy Earth** - A brief sponsored message for Cozy Earth clothing and bedding.

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Guests on this episode

Jefferson Fisher

Show Notes

What do you say when you start to cry in an argument? Absolutely nothing. In this episode, I break down exactly what to do when your emotions run high and the tears start falling during a tense conversation. We talk about why you should never apologize for crying, how to label your tears so you can keep the conversation moving, and why crying is just your body releasing tension. I also cover what to do when someone else starts crying in front of you—and why handing them a tissue or asking if they need a break is actually the worst thing you can do. Leave me a voicemail to be featured on the show! https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/ask-jefferson Join me on Supercast for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and AMAs: https://jefferson.supercast.com/ Order The Next Conversation Workbook: https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/workbook Thank you to our sponsors: Cozy Earth: Go to ⁠https://cozyearth.com/Jefferson⁠ and use code JEFFERSON for up to 20% off. BetterHelp. Click https://betterhelp.com/jeffersonfisher for a discount on your first month of therapy. Like what you hear? Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a 5-star review! Order my new book, The Next Conversation, today! https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/book Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show! https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/topic Join my School of Communication. https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/membership Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jefferson_fisher Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@justaskjefferson?lang=en Follow me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffersonfisher/

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