Parents Have 3 YEARS to Get this Right. Psychoanalyst Explains | Erica Komisar
April 30, 2026
AI Summary
5 min readIn a 2024 interview on The Dr. Josh Axe Show, psychoanalyst Erica Komisar argued that the first three years of a child’s life are a non-negotiable window for building emotional security, and that the chronic, low-grade stress of modern parenting—especially the pressure on mothers to maintain linear careers—is creating a generation of children whose stress-regulation systems are damaged before they turn three. Komisar, author of Being There and Chicken Little, framed emotional health as a physical health issue, warning that unresolved early attachment trauma shows up later as chronic illness, not just mental distress.
The Two Types of Trauma and the Mind-Body Connection
Komisar distinguished between “big T trauma” (a single catastrophic event like a car accident or the death of a parent) and “little T trauma,” which she considers more insidious. Little T trauma is the chronic, low-grade stress of an environment—long-term neglect, emotional absence, or a parent who is physically present but distracted or depressed. “In terms of one’s psyche and one’s physical health,” she said, “it’s the chronicity of the environment that you grow up in that can cause the greatest trauma.” This chronic stress keeps the body’s HPA axis (the stress-regulation system) permanently switched on. Komisar explained that the amygdala acts as the “on switch” for fight-or-flight, while the hippo
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:00) **Advertisements** - A series of ads for LinkedIn, Expedia/Visit Scotland, and Athletic Brewing Company.
- 2 (01:31) **Defining the Core Mission: Emotional Security and Character** - Erica Komisar introduces her psychoanalytic framework, emphasizing the critical role of early environment in developing a child’s sense of security.
- 3 (02:26) **The Mind-Body Connection and Types of Trauma** - Dr. Axe introduces the link between emotional trauma and physical illness, which Erica expands upon with a clinical framework.
- 4 (07:44) **The Stress Response: On-Switch vs. Off-Switch** - Erica explains the biological mechanism of the stress response and how early chronic stress can permanently damage a child's ability to regulate it.
- 5 (13:13) **The First Three Years: Building the Internal Scaffolding** - The hosts discuss the critical period from birth to age three, where a child's sense of safety and security is internalized.
- 6 (18:04) **The "Inconvenient Truth" of Motherhood and Career** - The conversation addresses the controversy around daycare and the societal pressure on women to have linear careers, arguing for a seasonal approach to life.
- 7 (23:42) **The "Self-Cleaning Oven" Myth** - Erica critiques the modern expectation that women should do two full-time jobs (career and parenting) simultaneously, which she calls treating children as if they are "self-cleaning ovens."
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Show Notes
I have spent decades helping patients heal through diet, exercise, and natural remedies, but there is one injury that supplements can't fix: emotional trauma. Whether it’s "Big T" trauma or the "Little t" trauma of chronic neglect, these emotional scars manifest as autoimmune disease, cancer, and hormone imbalances later in life. In this episode, psychoanalyst Erica Komisar joins me to explain why the first three years of life are the "critical period" for physical health and how we can heal the mind-body connection.
We explore the mechanics of the HPA Axis, focusing on the Amygdala (the stress "on" switch) and the Hippocampus (the "off" switch). Erica explains how early childhood stress can "burn out" the brain's ability to regulate cortisol, leading to a permanent state of survival mode. We also discuss the definition of Depression (preoccupation with past loss) versus Anxiety (preoccupation with future loss) and how both act as pathogens on the human immune system.
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