My Wife Refuses to Take My Last Name

May 11, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

"My Wife Refuses to Take My Last Name"

A caller named Glenn from Pennsylvania tells Dr. John Delony that his wife didn't take his last name when they married five years ago. They had agreed beforehand that she would change it once she entered law school, but two years into law school, it still hasn't happened. Now they're expecting their first child, and Glenn doesn't know how to have the conversation about what the baby's last name will be.

His wife has shifted her reasoning over time. First it was about keeping her records consistent through law school applications. Then it became about the bar exam. Now she's citing a political concern: rumors that voter ID laws could disenfranchise women whose birth certificates no longer match their IDs after marriage. Glenn is frustrated and getting "side eye" from people who notice they have different last names. But he also says this is the only point of tension in an otherwise happy marriage — "the best thing that has brought more joy into my life."

The real issue beneath the excuses

Delony identifies the core problem immediately: "She's gonna keep giving you another excuse and then another one and then another one." The conversation has become a series of proxy arguments — law school logistics, political rumors, hypothetical voting rights — rather than an honest discussion about what each spouse actually wants.

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What you'll learn

1 (01:24) **Caller 1: Wife Won't Take Last Name** - Glenn from Pennsylvania says his wife agreed to take his last name after law school, but two years in she hasn't changed it and now uses political concerns about voting rights as a new reason.
2 (05:24) **The Deeper Pattern: Excuses & Avoidance** - Dr. John drills down on the pattern of ever-shifting excuses (law school, graduation, bar exam, voting rumors) and asks what else in the marriage feels "slippery."
3 (14:10) **The Baby Name Decision Is Coming** - Dr. John reminds the caller that a nurse will hand them a birth certificate soon, and the conversation must happen now, not later.
4 (19:32) **Ad Break: Poncho Shirts & Montana Knife Company** - Dr. John promotes Poncho shirts for warm weather and Montana Knife Company knives as lifelong gifts.
5 (22:17) **Caller 2: Husband Donating Kidney Without Consulting Her** - Michelle from Los Angeles says her husband of 20+ years decided to donate a kidney to his brother without telling her, and when she objected, he said his 40-year bond with his brother "takes priority."
6 (34:40) **The Exclusive Club of Marriage** - Dr. John explains that marriage creates a new exclusive club with only two members, and the husband still has his club with his brother, but he chose to step out of that one to create the marriage club.
7 (41:02) **Caller 3: Wife Disconnected, Pouring Into Work & Romance Novels** - James from Philadelphia says his wife of eight years (with a 5- and 3-year-old) is emotionally absent, scrolling social media or reading romance novels even when home, and responds to the kids with irritation.