“My Parents Are Racists”

Ashley, a 29-year-old woman from Arkansas, called Dr. John Delony because she’s been cut off by her parents for six months. The reason: she’s dating a man who is Mexican-American. On Christmas Eve, her parents called to say they wanted nothing to do with him. They haven’t spoken to her since. She describes her boyfriend as kind, caring, and someone who helped her through the hardest times of her life. Earlier this year, she had a major medical emergency she nearly died from. Her parents never knew.

The parents chose bigotry over their daughter

Delony doesn’t soften this. He calls it what it is: “They chose bigotry and hatred over loving their daughter.” He points out that as the father of a daughter himself, his dream is for her to call him one day and describe a partner the way Ashley described her boyfriend. The parents rejected exactly that.

But Delony also pushes Ashley to see the pattern. He asks whether her parents have been doing this her whole life—dangling love and connection over her head, withdrawing it when she doesn’t conform. She says yes. He calls that cruel in the worst kind of way: “A parent would dangle their relationship, their love over their child’s head, like the sword of Damocles.”

The work ahead isn’t winning them back