Caller: “Is Counseling the Kiss of Death?”

A caller named Christine from Louisville, Kentucky had booked her first couples therapy appointment with her husband, then heard Dr. John Delony say on two separate episodes that marriage therapy can be “the kiss of death” for relationships. She wanted to know whether that was going to be true for her case—and if not, how to approach therapy so it actually helps.

Why the data on marriage therapy is weak

Delony clarified that he believes in therapy generally, but thinks the culture has become “over-therapized.” Therapy has filled a vacuum created by widespread loneliness, he argued: people have outsourced having someone sit with them, hold up a mirror, challenge them, and celebrate them. At the same time, everyday marital unhappiness has been pathologized. “If your marriage is not doing well, you're supposed to be sad,” he said. “You're supposed to be frustrated. Your anger is a good, normal thing.”