"I'm Attracted to My Husband's Best Friend"

A caller named Rebecca tells Dr. John Delony she's been carrying a secret for nearly a year: she's developed feelings for a man at her church—her husband's new best friend. The man isn't conventionally attractive, she says, but she's drawn to his character and positive energy. She's been keeping her distance to protect her marriage, but now her husband wants to invite this couple over. She feels trapped and ashamed.

Feelings Are Not the Problem

Delony's central argument is that feeling attraction to someone other than your spouse is normal—even inevitable. "There's gonna be people for the rest of time that you're attracted to that are stunning aesthetically," he says. "You should have feelings arise when somebody is strong, or they are of great character. That has no impact unless you allow it to on your marriage."

The problem isn't the feeling itself. It's what you do next. "It's the meditation on it. It's the fantasizing about it. It's the 'I'm gonna take those feelings and I'm gonna insert myself into those feelings in some sort of created secret world,'" Delony explains. That secret world—one your spouse doesn't know exists—is where people get into trouble, because it starts to creep into the real world.

What the Feelings Are Pointing To