Why listening well is harder -- and more powerful -- than you think, with Guy Itzchakov, PhD

"92.3% of people rate themselves above the midpoint in listening ability." That statistic, which Guy Itzchakov cites from his own replication of a classic finding, captures the central paradox of his research: nearly everyone believes they are a good listener, yet most speakers report not feeling heard. Itzchakov, a professor at the University of Haifa and director of the Interpersonal Listening and Social Influence Lab, has spent 15 years studying what actually happens when someone listens well — and why it is far harder, and far more consequential, than the self-assessments suggest.

What high-quality listening actually is

Itzchakov traces the modern definition of high-quality listening back to Carl Rogers, who described it more than 60 years ago as a "non-judgmental approach." The core is not agreement but a genuine attempt to understand the speaker combined with a positive intention toward them. The listener signals that the speaker has the freedom and autonomy to express whatever they need to say, even if the listener disagrees. This three-dimensional package — attention, understanding, and positive intent — manifests in behaviors like paraphrasing, asking questions, and using back-channel cues (nodding, "mm-hmm"). But Itzchakov is careful to distinguish this from "active listening" as it is often taught. Rogers himself refused to give a checklist for listening because