How to build kids’ resilience, with Mary Alvord, PhD

Mary Alvord, a clinical psychologist with over 40 years of experience, defines resilience not just as the ability to adapt to severe trauma, but as the capacity to handle the daily stresses and setbacks of ordinary life—school pressures, friendship ruptures, family tension. She argues that resilience is not a fixed trait you either have or lack; it is a set of learnable skills that can be practiced and strengthened, much like a muscle. Her Resilience Builder Program, now being scaled into schools through her nonprofit Resilience Across Borders, teaches these skills in small groups and classrooms, with research showing that children who go through the program not only feel more in control of their lives but also show increased academic motivation and classroom engagement.

The Foundational Skill: Agency and Self-Regulation

The most important foundation for resilience, according to Alvord, is a sense of agency—the feeling that you can control something in your life, even if it is small. The goal is to move children from a passive, helpless stance to an "action mindset" where they take initiative. This is paired with self-regulation: the ability to manage emotions, behavior, and attention. Alvord emphasizes that adults must model this calmness, because children pick up on nonverbal cues and adult stress "trickles down" to them.