AI Summary
5 min readWhen Iris was 16, a 26-year-old youth group volunteer named John told her that her hugs were what he looked forward to at church. By the time she was 17, he was messaging her on Snapchat and Instagram, making "that's what she said" jokes and telling her he needed to "impress girls" with videos she would send him. Iris did not see a problem. She had been raised in a conservative Southern church where her purpose, from age 12, was to become a "Proverbs 31 woman" and find a husband. An older man showing interest felt like being chosen. "I was into it," she says of his flirtation. "I felt complimented." It would take years and a second incident with another church leader before she began to understand what had happened to her.
The Church as a Total Environment
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What you'll learn
- 1 Main Outline
- 2 (02:15) **Iris Introduces Her Religious Upbringing** - Iris describes growing up in the church in the South, attending a Christian school from 5th grade through 12th grade, and spending at least six days a week on church campus.
- 3 (04:44) **Shift at Age 12: The Proverbs 31 Woman Mandate** - Around middle school, Iris was told her entire purpose was to be a Proverbs 31 woman and seek a husband, with her dad having her write down husband criteria with Bible references at age 14.
- 4 (08:18) **Purity Culture's Double Standards** - Iris explains how purity culture taught girls they were responsible for not being a stumbling block, while boys learned about pornography in separate chapel sessions.
- 5 (11:01) **The Confidence Trap of Being "Good"** - Iris admits purity culture didn't ruin her self-image because she thought she was better than everyone else for being so involved and "wife material."
- 6 (12:54) **First Red Flag: Youth Leader Arrested for CSAM** - In 10th grade, Iris learned a middle school youth group leader was arrested for child sexual abuse material, but the church never addressed it with the youth group.
- 7 (16:15) **Becoming an Intern at Age 16** - In her junior year, Iris applied for and received a youth group internship, which blurred the lines between who was a student and who was a leader.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Show Notes
*Content Warning: religious trauma, grooming, child sexual abuse material, sexual assault, and rape.
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