AI Summary
5 min readHow to Use Adventure, Trust, and Touch to Rekindle Arousal
When you're struggling to feel turned on, the solution might have nothing to do with sex itself. According to Dr. Emily Morse, host of Sex with Emily, the most effective path to arousal often runs through activities that get your heart pumping, your adrenaline flowing, and your anticipation building—completely outside the bedroom. "You're excited, and that excitement spills over from the activity into sex," she explains. "Pretty nifty, right?"
The Three Pillars of Bonding Activities
Dr. Morse breaks down sexy bonding activities into three categories: trust, titillate, and touch. Each works with your brain chemistry to create an aroused state of mind before you ever get to the bedroom.
Trust-based activities involve vulnerability and stepping outside your comfort zone together. Examples include playing question-card games like Esther Perel's Where Should We Begin or Serena Kerrigan's Let's Date deck. Questions like "What's one thing you've wanted to say to me but haven't yet?" or the lighter "If you were a soup, what kind of soup would you be?" open up conversation and create connection. Karaoke works the same way—the nervousness of performing generates adrenaline, which is precisely what arousal requires. The key is to land "just a bit on your comfort's edge" without pushing into shame territory.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (02:48) **The Core Thesis: Arousal Begins Outside the Bedroom** - Dr. Emily introduces the central idea that the best ways to build sexual arousal often have nothing to do with sex itself, relying instead on adrenaline, excitement, and brain chemistry.
- 2 (04:02) **Bonding Hack #1: Trust-Based Activities** - Emily explains how vulnerability and stepping out of your comfort zone can build connection and arousal.
- 3 (06:48) **Bonding Hack #2: Titillating (Adventure) Activities** - This section focuses on activities that get your heart rate up, using a quote from Emily Nagoski's *Come As You Are* to explain the science.
- 4 (08:14) **Bonding Hack #3: Touch-Based Activities** - Emily explores sensual, skin-to-skin contact that releases oxytocin and serotonin, the first chemicals in the sexual response cycle.
- 5 (10:42) **Listener Question: Kink Incompatibility (Daisy, 27)** - A listener asks if she and her partner are too sexually incompatible because she is kinky and he is not comfortable with domination or pain.
- 6 (16:01) **Listener Question: Spouse Won't Talk About Sex (Keith, 41)** - A married man is frustrated because his wife refuses to talk about their sex life or try new things like vibrators or massages.
- 7 (22:08) **Listener Question: Reclaiming Sexuality After a Breakup (Nikki, 26)** - A woman wants to get back to feeling sexual and desired after a relationship with a disconnected partner who made her feel undesirable.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Have a question you’ve always been too embarrassed to ask? Send it to me: sexwithemily.com/ask
What if the secret to getting turned on has nothing to do with what happens in the bedroom?
Sometimes the best foreplay starts hours earlier, with the right kind of adventure, connection, or touch that works with your brain chemistry instead of against it. Let’s talk about the trust, titillate, and touch framework for bonding activities that actually prime your nervous system for desire — plus I’m answering your questions on sexual incompatibility, rebuilding your sex drive after having a baby, reigniting a stalled marriage, and reclaiming your sexuality after a relationship that made you feel unseen.
ABOUT EMILY:
Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.
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