AI Summary
5 min readWhat Actually Counts as Cheating?
Dr. Emily and psychologist Dr. Scott Lyons open with a confession that sets the tone: Emily admits she was a "reform cheater" in her twenties and early thirties, using the rationalization that sex with strangers in other countries "wasn't on U.S. soil" and therefore somehow didn't count. This personal disclosure isn't just vulnerability—it's the entry point into the episode's central argument: most couples never define what cheating actually means to them, and that silence creates the conditions for betrayal.
Cheating Is Subjective, and That's the Problem
The core insight is uncomfortable but unavoidable: there is no universal definition of cheating. For some couples, watching porn is infidelity. For others, emotional intimacy with a work colleague—the "office wife" or "office husband"—crosses the line before any physical contact occurs. One listener wrote in feeling betrayed because her husband fantasizes about her friend while having sex with her. Another couple nearly split over a dream the husband had about sleeping with someone else.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:02) **Episode Introduction & Host Announcements** - Dr. Emily opens with tour details and introduces the episode's theme: defining cheating in 2025.
- 2 (05:14) **Guest Introduction: Dr. Scott Lyons** - Dr. Emily introduces her co-host, a holistic psychologist and trauma expert.
- 3 (05:54) **The Problem: Cheating is Subjective & Undiscussed** - The hosts argue that most couples never define what cheating means to them, leading to assumptions and ruptures.
- 4 (10:41) **The Core Framework: Values & Boundaries, Not "Cheating"** - The hosts propose a proactive approach: discuss relationship values and boundaries instead of the charged word "cheating."
- 5 (13:43) **The "Monogamy is Not Monogamy" Conversation** - A practical script is offered for how to start this boundary-setting discussion with a partner.
- 6 (15:33) **The Fantasy & Dream Dilemma** - The hosts tackle whether internal fantasies or dreams about others constitute cheating.
- 7 (18:20) **Listener Email: Fantasizing About a Friend During Sex** - A specific, painful example is analyzed where a husband disclosed he fantasizes about his wife's friend to get off.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Throwback to another one of my favorite conversations! Have you ever wondered where the line actually is between loyalty and betrayal? In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Scott Lyons to unpack the messy, subjective world of infidelity in 2025. We get into the questions couples almost never ask each other… is porn cheating, is a flirty DM cheating, is fantasizing about someone else cheating… and why avoiding these conversations is often what leads to bigger ruptures down the line. I also get vulnerable about my own history as a self-described "reformed cheater," and Scott and I both open up about being on the receiving end of infidelity ourselves. We break down the real stats on who cheats and why, talk through micro-cheating and emotional affairs in the age of social media, and walk through what genuine repair looks like when trust has been broken. If you want a real, no-shame framework for defining your own relationship boundaries, this one's for you.
ABOUT EMILY:
Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.
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CONNECT WITH DR. SCOTT LYONS:
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Website: https://www.drscottlyons.com/
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Chapters:
0:00 Welcome to Sex with Emily
4:55 What is Cheating?
9:10 Why Every Couple Needs to Define Boundaries
12:45 How to Talk About Monogamy
14:31 Are Fantasies a Form of Cheating?
17:22 Listeners Story: When Fantasies Hurt a Relationship
19:42 Infidelity Stats
22:27 Dr. Emily Opens Up About Her Past Infidelity
25:38 Recovering After Being Cheated On
29:03 Monogamy, Open Relationships & Honest Conversations
36:26 Is Micro-Cheating Actually Cheating?
39:48 Can
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