Sex With Emily
Sex With Emily

How To Ask For What You Want in Bed: Fantasy Edition

April 28, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Emily opens a live discussion on fantasies, sparked by a listener's voicemail: a man in a 13-year relationship wonders how to draw out his shy partner's hidden desires without pressuring her or risking offense. She emphasizes that fantasies aren't always elaborate scenarios—many people lack them entirely, or they center on feelings like being desired rather than specific acts. The goal is fostering honest talks about sex to deepen connection, not forcing disclosures.

Varieties of Fantasies and Common Misconceptions

Fantasies range widely, from a grad school peer's vivid 10-minute tale of emerging from earth like Venus into an orgy, to simpler wishes like slow kissing, spanking, or oral sex. Some are emotional—feeling chosen, ravished, or surrendered to—while others involve power dynamics, novelty (sex in a new room or on vacation), or sensory details like teasing touch and anticipation. Emily stresses that not everyone fantasizes; some just want safety with a partner. Critically, many fantasies stay private thoughts, not things to enact—sharing doesn't obligate action, and silence often signals self-protection from shame or judgment, not deception.

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What you'll learn

  • 1 (01:29) **Understanding Sexual Fantasies**
  • 2 (07:19) **Inviting Honesty Without Pressure**
  • 3 (10:29) **How to Discuss Fantasies Effectively**
  • 4 (17:03) **Types of Fantasies and Role-Playing**
  • 5 (21:06) **Navigating Desire Differences and Listener Q&A**
  • 6 (25:31) **Caller Q&A: Dating Transparency (Eric from Chicago)**
  • 7 (34:00) **Dating Assumptions and Sex Timing**

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Show Notes

In this live episode of Sex With Emily, I’m diving into the truth about fantasies… why we have them, why so many of us are afraid to share them, and how to talk about them with a partner without pressure or shame. I break down what fantasies actually are (and what they’re not), why silence in relationships often comes from self-protection rather than secrecy, and how to create space for honest, judgment-free conversations about sex. I also take live questions from a caller who’s navigating dating transparency, emotional boundaries, and how to communicate clearly without rushing intimacy. This episode originally aired as a live stream, and I’m so excited to bring it to you as a podcast- real talk, real questions, and practical tools to help you feel more connected, confident, and open in your sex life. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. CONNECT: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!


This Episode is sponsored by:


Find LUCY near you at https://lucy.co/stores, or save 20% on your first online order at https://lucy.co/SEXWITHEMILY with promo code SEXWITHEMILY Chapters: 00:00 Fantasies Are Not What You Think

01:16 How To Talk About Fantasies Without Pressure

02:45 Creating A No Judgment Space

04:33 What A Fantasy Actually Is

05:54 The Fear Of Talking About Sex

07:05 Why We Stay Quiet About What We Want

08:09 Different Areas of Fantasies

10:23 What We’re Really Craving

11:20 How To Bring It Up Without Making It Awkward

12:38 Desire, Control, & Trying New Things


16:47 When Two People Are Moving At Different Speeds

18:10 Getting To Know Your Own Desire First

20:54 Caller: Dating Honestly Without Overthinking It

23:49 How To Ask “What Are We?” In A Natural Way

26:55 Being Honest Without Putting Pressure

29:47 Timi

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