AI Summary
5 min readFive Unsexy Tips for Better Sex Every Time
Dr. Emily Morris opens this episode of Sex With Emily with a reframe that might surprise listeners who think their sex life is broken: "Maybe your sex life doesn't need fixing. Maybe the conditions around your sex life do." After twenty years of clinical work, she's convinced that people are "way too quick to decide low desire means 'we lost the spark'" when the real culprit is often something far more mundane—sleep schedules, timing, physical discomfort, or the invisible mental load of running a household. The five tips she offers are deliberately unromantic, and that's exactly the point.
Stop Giving Sex the Leftovers of Your Energy
The first tip is deceptively simple: stop making sex the last thing on your to-do list. Morris paints a familiar scene: couples who work all day, manage kids, cook dinner, clean up, answer emails, scroll Instagram, watch three episodes of a show they're barely paying attention to—and then, at 11:47 PM, one partner rolls over and initiates sex. "I want to go unconscious," Morris says, "and then one person feels rejected and the other feels guilty and suddenly something that might actually be about timing becomes a whole relationship issue."
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What you'll learn
- 1 (02:29) **Five Unsexy Tips Intro** - Dr. Emily Morris introduces the core premise: your sex life might not need fixing, but the conditions around it do. The five unsexy factors are sleep, comfort, time, what’s happening in your body, and mental load.
- 2 (03:31) **Tip 1: Stop Making Sex the Last Thing on the List** - The most obvious but overlooked tip: don't try to have sex when you are completely exhausted from the day.
- 3 (06:31) **Tip 2: Lube Is Not a Report Card** - Emily dismantles the myth that needing lube means you aren't turned on or attracted to your partner.
- 4 (08:57) **Tip 3: Schedule the Possibility of Sex** - Emily addresses the eye-roll-worthy advice to "schedule sex," reframing it as scheduling the *possibility* of intimacy.
- 5 (13:50) **Tip 4: Your Sex Life Does Not Live Outside Your Body** - Emily connects sexual desire to overall physical health, treating libido as part of the same system as sleep, stress, and hormones.
- 6 (16:29) **Tip 5: You Can't Go from Project Manager to Sex Goddess in 30 Seconds** - This tip focuses on the "mental load" and how it kills desire, especially for the partner who carries the invisible work of the household.
- 7 (19:17) **Final Takeaway: Pick One Thing** - Emily concludes by warning against turning sex into another "wellness project" and encourages listeners to start with just one of the five tips that resonated.
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Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Let's talk about five things that are quietly killing your sex life that have absolutely nothing to do with attraction, technique, or how much you love your partner… because after 20 years of helping people improve their sex lives, I can tell you we are way too quick to assume low desire means something is wrong with us. Sometimes the conditions around your sex life just suck. In this episode I'm giving you five very unsexy tips that can make your sex life a whole lot better, and I promise at least one of them is going to make you go, oh that's exactly us. Fair warning: number three is the one everyone rolls their eyes at. And it's the one that actually works.
ABOUT EMILY:
Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.`
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Chapters:
00:00 Cold Open / Welcome to Sex with Emily
01:24 Maybe Your Sex Life Doesn't Need Fixing
01:48 The Five Unsexy Things Overview
02:29 Tip 1: Stop Making Sex the Last Thing on th
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