Unreliable Narrator

October 9, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

In 2026, writer Megan O'Gieblyn relapsed after 11 years of sobriety. She had spent those years building a stable life: writing acclaimed books, maintaining a partnership, and staying engaged with recovery communities. But the relapse happened anyway, and it felt almost inevitable. The part of her mind that wanted to drink had been rehearsing for months through idle fantasies—imagining what she would order at a bar, picturing the feeling of alcohol—until the desire gathered its own momentum. When the opportunity finally came, it felt less like a choice and more like fate. This experience became the raw material for her memoir Will and Attention, a book that explores the strange architecture of self-deception and what it means to be divided against yourself.

The Unreliable Narrator Inside Your Own Head

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What you'll learn

1 Timestamped Outline
2 (02:14) **The Second Voice Inside** - Host PJ Vogt introduces the episode's central theme: the voice in your head that lies to you, and writer Megan O'Gieblyn's new memoir about addiction, relapse, and self-deception.
3 (04:03) **Megan O'Gieblyn's Background** - The writer introduces herself and her journey from fundamentalist Christianity through crisis of faith into addiction and eventual sobriety.
4 (06:36) **What It Felt Like to Believe** - Megan describes the visceral reality of apocalyptic faith in childhood and how belief shifted as she encountered people who didn't share it.
5 (08:09) **The Crisis That Broke Faith** - The theological problem of evil and 9/11 as catalysts for losing belief.
6 (10:36) **Why Drinking Followed Losing Faith** - Megan explores the connection between losing her religious framework and the escalation of her drinking.
7 (12:54) **The Blackout Years** - A detailed portrait of active addiction in her 20s, working in Chicago bars.

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Show Notes

An interview with a writer, Meghan O’Gieblyn, who started lying to herself about her relationship to alcohol and God. And afterwards wondered: when did it start? Why did it happen? How do you make peace with the part of yourself that wants something that could destroy you?

Meghan O’Gieblyn, Will and Attention