The Cost of Staying Silent—and the Leadership Power of Assertiveness
March 17, 2026
AI Summary
5 min readIn a study of 6,000 Microsoft employees, two out of ten never spoke up about anything at work. Two-thirds spoke up only occasionally, and when they did, it was usually about things that directly affected their own work or well-being. The gap between wanting to speak up and actually doing it, says assertiveness expert Evena, comes down to a single cognitive conflict: people believe they must choose between being heard and being liked. The episode unpacks why that belief is wrong, what assertiveness actually requires, and how to practice it without triggering backlash.
What Assertiveness Really Means
Most people define assertiveness as simply speaking up. Evena breaks it into four parts, only the first of which is expression—stating your thoughts, needs, boundaries, or feelings. The other three are what make it work: respect, calm, and effectiveness.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (04:50) **Defining Assertiveness: The Four-Part Framework** - Evena breaks down assertiveness into four components: speaking up, respect, calm, and effectiveness, challenging the common one-dimensional view.
- 2 (09:01) **The Challenge of Respect Languages** - Evena explains why understanding and adapting to another person's definition of respect is so difficult in practice.
- 3 (13:19) **The Three Core Myths of Assertive Communication** - Evena introduces the three most common myths that prevent people from speaking up.
- 4 (15:35) **Debunking Myth 1: Assertiveness vs. Aggression** - Evena explains that people often confuse the two, and that many who think they are being assertive are actually being aggressive.
- 5 (19:09) **Role Play: Assertive vs. Aggressive Communication** - Kwame and Evena role-play a workplace conflict to demonstrate the difference between an assertive and an aggressive approach.
- 6 (31:53) **Debunking Myth 2: The Fear of Backlash** - Evena argues that backlash is typically a result of aggression, not true assertiveness.
- 7 (35:33) **The C.A.R.E. Acronym: Common Aggressors to Avoid** - Evena introduces a framework for identifying subtle behaviors that make you come off as aggressive.
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Show Notes
Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company
In this enlightening episode of "Negotiate Anything," host Kwame Christian welcomes Ivna Curi to discuss the art of assertive communication in negotiations. Overcoming numerous setbacks, the duo dives deep into the core of being assertive without losing warmth, an essential skill for both personal and professional life. Ivna shares invaluable insights from her extensive experience helping professionals, with a particular focus on women, to speak up confidently and effectively. The episode is packed with actionable strategies, practical examples, and proven techniques to master assertiveness in the workplace and beyond.
What will be covered:
- The four components of assertiveness: expressing oneself, showing respect, maintaining calmness, and being effective.
- Common myths about assertiveness, including perceptions of aggression and conflict.
- Replacing negative communication habits, such as complaining and assuming, with actionable, solution-focused approaches.
Connect with Ivna
Follow Ivna Curi on LinkedIn
Assertive Way Institute LinkedIn page
Ivna's podcast: "Speak Your Mind Unapologetically."
Contact ANI
Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company
Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn
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