When Grief Hits Like a Storm: Jocko Willink on Loss, Discipline, and Moving Forward

The most vivid image Jocko Willink offers for grief is a storm you cannot control. When someone close to you dies, he says, "you are gonna get put into a storm. And what's scary about it is it's an emotional storm and you have no control." You break down, you cry, you remember bad things and good things, and you cannot finish a sentence. For adults used to managing their emotions, this loss of control is especially jarring. But Willink's central argument—drawn from losing many friends over the years—is that understanding this pattern makes it survivable.

The Wave Model of Grief

Willink describes grief as waves that hit with full force at first, then gradually weaken and become less frequent. The storm will pass, but it will still hit you months later when you hear a song or smell a burger you once shared with that person. You might start crying right there, then the wave subsides. He warns against a common trap: when the waves become weaker and less frequent, people think that means they didn't care about the person. "That's not true at all," he says. "It's just that your mind is processing it and it's okay."