Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi
Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

270. “We’re sacrificing our retirement to pay for our kids’ college”

July 21, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

“We’re sacrificing our retirement to pay for our kids’ college”

Mia and Jake, a blended family with three children, earn $226,000 a year combined. They have a pension that will pay them 80% of their top-three-years salary starting in their mid-fifties. They own a modest home with a manageable mortgage. By most measures, they are financially solid. Yet they feel anxious, constrained, and confused about money. The reason: they are sending $2,700 a month—more than they spend on anything else—into 529 college savings accounts for their kids, and they have never stopped to ask whether that number makes sense.

The invisible script about college funding

The central tension in this episode is not about how much Mia and Jake love their children. It is about an unexamined belief that Ramit calls an “invisible script”: the idea that good parents must pay for 100% of their children’s college education, no matter the cost to their own financial health. Mia and Jake had never questioned this assumption. “It’s like this ghost telling us that we have to do this,” Mia says. Jake agrees: “It’s an agreed-upon truth that we’ve really not dove into.”

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What you'll learn

  • 1 (00:01) **Opening & Context** - Ramit introduces the episode's theme: parents sacrificing their own retirement to pay for kids' college, and the need for intentionality over following a script.
  • 2 (03:23) **Core Problem: Resentment Over Kids' Expenses** - Mia and Jake describe the tension around money going to Mia's older kids, which limits their own spending and creates underlying frustration.
  • 3 (07:58) **Money Dynamic: Avoidance & Anxiety** - The couple reveals their money dynamic: Mia tracks everything with a spreadsheet, Jake feels anxiety and anger, and they lack clear, direct communication.
  • 4 (11:00) **Past Mistake & Course Correction** - Jake and Mia share their story of being "house poor" after buying a 4,000 sq ft house and a big truck, and how they successfully downsized.
  • 5 (18:23) **The Invisible Script: "Pay for Kids' College"** - The couple identifies the core invisible script: they must pay 100% for their kids' college, a belief they've never interrogated.
  • 6 (25:55) **The Numbers: CSP Reveal** - Ramit reviews their Conscious Spending Plan (CSP), revealing zero investments, low savings, and a high net worth mostly tied up in a house.
  • 7 (32:16) **Dissecting the CSP: Finding Leaks** - Ramit helps them identify and adjust specific overspending categories, like utilities, groceries, and subscriptions.

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Show Notes

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Mia and Jake, a couple in their late 30s and early 40s in a blended family with three children. Mia wrote in because she’s afraid paying for their children’s college will cause resentment in their relationship. With no idea how much they are spending, why, or what they truly want their money to do for them, Ramit helps them uncover the root of their money woes. Will they finally get on the same page, create a financial system that works, and feel confident making money decisions together?


In this episode we uncover:

• How financial discussions lead to frustration and anxiety

• The surprising cost of their previous “dream” home

• Why they sold their house and downsized

• The connection between “feeling” and making financial decisions

• How money scarcity is fueling guilt and fear

• Why Jake doesn’t understand how to make his money work for him

• A deep dive into Mia's family money rules

• Why Jake was afraid to talk about money

• How their pension influences their financial outlook

• The hidden costs of everyday living

• Why just “cutting costs” isn’t a long-term solution

• The powerful connection between clarity and confidence


Chapters:

(00:00:00) Introduction

(00:02:54) “I feel resentment from my husband because our money supports my kids”

(00:08:00) Mia and Jake’s money conversations

(00:10:28) Mia and Jake bought a huge house they couldn’t afford (00:13:38) Moving on from the house-broke mistake

(00:23:23) Mia’s old budget felt like “paper pushing”

(00:38:43) Why does Mia feel scared about money?

(00:41:39) Adjusting their fixed costs

(00:48:43) Why cutting costs is easy for Mia and Jake

(00:50:33) Their pension: a financial safety net

(01:03:03) Trading anxiety for guilt

(01:06:35) Jake’s money messages

(01:07:54) What is your rich life vision?

(01:13:40) Mia and Jake’s money system

(01:25:10) Building Jake’s confidence with money

(01:32:20) How Mia and Jake feel about their money now

(01:35:22) Mia and Jake’s next steps


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