Lenny's Podcast: Product | Career | Growth

Scripts for difficult conversations: Giving hard feedback, navigating defensiveness, the three questions you should end every meeting with, more | Alisa Cohn (executive coach)

January 5, 2025

AI Summary

5 min read

Alisa Cohn, an executive coach for leaders at companies like Google, Etsy, and DraftKings, outlines practical scripts and mindsets for handling tough workplace talks, such as performance feedback, promotion denials, and firings. She emphasizes that these conversations, though uncomfortable, help employees grow by revealing blind spots they might not see, as illustrated by cases where delayed feedback led to career stagnation or surprise terminations.

Mindset and scripts for feedback

Leaders often avoid feedback fearing emotional reactions like tears or defensiveness, but Cohn stresses reframing it as aid for the employee's success rather than criticism. Start with observable facts—what you've heard from peers or seen yourself—avoid judgments, and tie it to shared goals: "Matilda, I've observed your documents lack structure and conclusions; model these examples to reflect your strong thinking." End by agreeing on next steps, like keeping peers looped on deadlines. Build trust beforehand with specific positive feedback, such as praising smooth launches, so tough news lands as helpful rather than hostile.

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What you'll learn

1 **[04:57] Mindset for Difficult Conversations**
2 **[08:50] Performance Feedback Scripts**
3 **[20:29] Handling Defensiveness/Emotions**
4 **[25:24] No Promotion Script**
5 **[31:43] Pre-Firing Warning & Firing Scripts**
6 **[35:46] Positive Feedback & Leader Role**
7 **[50:01] Three Questions to End Meetings**

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Show Notes

Alisa Cohn is an executive coach who has worked with C-suite executives at startups like Venmo, Etsy, Wirecutter, and DraftKings, and Fortune 500 companies like Microsoft, Google, Pfizer, Dell, and IBM. Inc. Magazine named Alisa one of the top 100 leadership speakers, and she was named one of the Top 50 coaches in the world by Thinkers50 and the #1 startup coach for the past four years by Global Gurus. She is also the author of From Start-Up to Grown-Up, which won the 2022 Independent Press Award and the American Book Fest 2023 Best Book Award for Entrepreneurship, and is the creator and host of a podcast of the same name. In our conversation, we discuss:

• The psychology behind why we avoid difficult conversations

• Specific scripts for having five common difficult conversations

• How to handle defensive reactions in the moment

• The three questions you should end every meeting with

• “The founder prenup” that every founding team should work through

• Common leadership myths

• Stories of failure from Alisa’s career

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