The Moment You Need To Stop Pursuing Someone

"Most women, when you like someone and you have a good time, and you're attracted to them, and when she spends the night with this person, she's going to want more of this person. And that's just not always the case for men." This blunt observation from relationship therapist Jillian Terecki opens a conversation about three related problems in early dating: when to stop chasing someone who isn't reciprocating, how to handle a relationship that isn't progressing after months, and how to recognize whether someone is actually ready for intimacy.

The first-date sleepover problem

The first caller had spent the night with a man on their first date. They texted for weeks afterward, but he never asked her out again—just kept the door open with excuses about being overwhelmed by a layoff. She asked: at what point do I stop giving leniency?

Terecki's answer is direct. She has no moral judgment about sleeping with someone on a first date, but she wants people to be honest with themselves about the emotional risk. "If I were to spend the night with this person and really enjoy myself, and that would be it—I might get ghosted, I may never see this person again—am I gonna be okay with that?" For most people, the answer is no.