"I define cheating as behavior you engage in that you wouldn't engage in if your partner was right there."

James Sexton, a New York divorce lawyer who has represented everyone from the indigent poor to billionaires, returns to the Jack Neal Podcast for a conversation that pushes past the usual moralizing about infidelity and into the mechanics of why marriages actually fail. Sexton, who has spent decades working in "the clay of failed relationships," offers a perspective shaped by representing both sides of nearly every marital conflict.

The 90 percent claim and what "cheating" really means

When asked about his earlier statement that 90-plus percent of people cheat, Sexton acknowledges the obvious caveat: he's a divorce lawyer, so his sample is self-selecting. But the more important point is how you define cheating. Sexton defines it broadly: "engaging in behavior outside the presence of your partner that you would not be engaging in if they were there." By that standard, he argues, most people cheat because most people present a performative self in relationships rather than an authentic one.