AI Summary
5 min readA clip of rapper Kaya saying, “If everybody wants to be a girl, who gon’ be the boys?” has become a viral shorthand for a complaint that has been circulating for years: that there are no “real men” left. The phrase has escaped its original context—where it was used as a joke within queer communities—and become a cudgel in online gender wars, wielded especially by women who say the dating pool is full of men who do not meet their standards of masculinity. Journalist and culture critic Shar Jacelle and New York Times bestselling author George M. Johnson join host Brittany Luse to unpack what this search for “masculine men” actually reveals about society’s expectations, and why those expectations are causing problems for everyone.
The manufactured search for the “missing” masculine man
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:00) **Opening: The Viral Question & Its Origins** - Host Brittany Luse introduces the episode’s central question: “Who’s gonna be the boys?” and the online panic over a supposed lack of “masculine men.”
- 2 (02:31) **How the Phrase Functions in Different Communities** - Guests describe seeing “Who’s gonna be the boys” used as an inside joke within queer spaces versus a weapon of vitriol online.
- 3 (04:48) **Why the Phrase Stuck: Sports, Media, and Changing Norms** - Guests analyze why this specific question has gone viral and resonated so widely.
- 4 (07:55) **The Anxieties of Women Using the Phrase** - The conversation turns to what women, the primary users of the phrase, are actually demanding from men.
- 5 (11:35) **Reinforcement in Real-World Institutions** - Guests discuss how these rigid gender beliefs are enforced outside of online spaces, in both traditionally male and female organizations.
- 6 (16:40) **Policing Within the Queer Community** - The hosts explore how the same question about “too many feminine men” also creates pressure and self-policing within queer spaces.
- 7 (20:10) **Women as Gender Police and the Concept of “Social Currency”** - The discussion focuses on women who complain about patriarchy but then “tighten the gender shackles” on men online.
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Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Some women on Tiktok seem to believe so. The phrase, "Who's gonna be the boys?" has been used online to refer to all the mundane things men are doing that could be described as feminine: wearing earrings, having a skin care routine, and even eating a banana, to name a few. But what does this online question about the alleged absence of masculine men say about our society’s expectations of men? And how might these expectations be causing problems for us all? To explore these questions, Brittany talks with Shar Jossell, entertainment journalist and culture critic, and George M. Johnson, author of All Boys Aren't Blue and the upcoming memoir, And If I Die Before I Wake.
Looking for more conversations about gender and pop culture? Check out these episodes:
The truth about men on the 'down low'
Testosterone doesn't equal masculinity.
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