Iris (& Tuval) Haim: Forgiving The Soldier Who Accidentally Killed My Hostage Son
March 7, 2026
AI Summary
5 min readIris (& Tuval) Haim: Forgiving The Soldier Who Accidentally Killed My Hostage Son
When Iris Haim learned that her son Yotam had been killed by IDF soldiers while escaping Hamas captivity—mistakenly identified as a terrorist—her first words were not anger. "I am not angry because it's our soldiers, Israeli army," she told the officer who delivered the news. That response, recorded and broadcast across Israel, became a national touchstone. But her son Tuval, Yotam's older brother, had a very different reaction: "I am angry," he told his mother. "Why are you saying that I'm not angry?" This episode traces how two members of the same family processed the same devastating loss through radically different emotional paths—and how both found ways to keep living.
The Story Iris Chose to Tell Herself
Before October 7, Iris was a hospice nurse living in the Gaza Envelope. On that morning, Yotam called from his kibbutz: "They are shooting on his dog and they are here, Ema. I don't think I will survive that. It's a matter of minutes. I love you." Then he disappeared. For three weeks, his family did not know whether he was dead or alive.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:13) **Iris Haim’s Forgiving Response** - Iris describes learning that her son Yotam was killed by IDF soldiers who mistakenly identified him as a terrorist while he escaped Hamas captivity.
- 2 (01:23) **Life Before October 7th** - Iris introduces herself as a palliative care nurse living in the Gaza Envelope with a normal, busy life before the attack.
- 3 (03:00) **The Morning of October 7th** - Iris recounts the chaotic morning when missile attacks began and Yotam’s messages revealed terrorists were in his kibbutz.
- 4 (05:40) **Coping with Uncertainty** - Iris explains how she used her nursing and spiritual tools to maintain a positive story that Yotam was alive, refusing to let others’ doubts change her mindset.
- 5 (10:28) **Evidence Strengthens Hope** - Iris details how information from a released Thai hostage and her own observations confirmed her positive beliefs about Yotam’s survival skills.
- 6 (15:19) **The Day Yotam Was Killed** - Iris describes the shock of learning Yotam was killed by IDF fire while escaping, and her immediate declaration that she was not angry.
- 7 (18:51) **The Psychodrama Turning Point** - Iris explains how a therapist’s exercise of speaking as Yotam from a “deliberation day” chair reframed his death as a heroic act rather than an accident.
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Show Notes
Inspiration for the Nation is the weekly Jewish podcast from Living Lchaim, hosted by Yaakov Langer.
On October 7th, Iris Chaim’s son Yotam Chaim was taken hostage by Hamas. For weeks, she held onto hope that he was alive. In an unbelievable turn of events, Yotam escaped captivity - only to be tragically killed by the IDF after being mistaken for a terrorist. In this deeply emotional conversation, Iris and her son Tuval Chaim share how their family faced unimaginable loss and chose a path of faith, resilience, and forgiveness instead of anger. Iris & Tuval opens up about his own struggle with grief, the anger he felt after his brother’s death, and how he ultimately channeled that pain into music, healing, and purpose - continuing Yotam’s legacy. Together, they tell a powerful story about October 7th, hostages, trauma, hope, and the strength of the Jewish spirit - and how one family turned tragedy into a mission to bring unity, healing, and light to the world.
Help the Chaim's org here: https://secured.israelgives.org/pay/makedonation?MakeDonation=1&AmutaGovId=580802494
Tuval’s music: https://bit.ly/4lfZufu
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This episode is in memory of:
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