From School to Burnout and Back Again: One Family's Ongoing Search for the Right Fit

When Ash's son Ismail first went back to mainstream school a year ago, the first week was promising. "I was really pleasantly surprised," she says. "I was like, oh, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this is exactly what's right for him." But the honeymoon period was short-lived. By the end of the first half-term, Ismail was struggling with the social dynamics of secondary school—"if you don't fit in, or they're looking for the weakest link"—and the demanding, shouty environment of teachers trying to establish authority. By Christmas, he was coming home with meltdowns every day, not sleeping, and the stress was "probably on steroids" compared to when Ash first pulled him out of school in year five.

The Cost of Letting a Child Try School

Ash had been uncertain about Ismail returning to school, but she made a deliberate choice: "I don't want to ever feel like I'm restricting him from doing something he wants to do." She let him see for himself. What she couldn't predict was the speed and intensity of the fallout. The experience was so traumatic that it prompted an autism assessment for Ismail, which now "looks highly likely." He is "very high masking," meaning his difficulties would have been easily missed by anyone not deeply familiar with autistic children.