Moving Through Grief

August 19, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

When Kate Dirge’s 16-year-old daughter Penny was dying of an inoperable brain tumor, she brought her home and filled the house with music, friends, dogs, and love. “We sent her out on a rocket ship of love,” Dirge says. “Shouldn’t everyone be sent out on a rocket ship of love?” That question is the heart of her book Reimagining Grief, which she wrote because the books people sent her after losing her father, her mother, and then Penny all told her she had to pass through five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—with no agency over the process. “I didn’t want to be told I was going to be in denial and angry and that I didn’t have any agency over how I could move through grief,” she says. “You’re never moving on. You’re moving through.”

The framework: five actions, not five stages

Dirge rejects the Kübler-Ross model not because it is wrong about what people can feel, but because it frames grief as something that happens to you. Instead, she offers five actions that give the grieving person something to do: connect with others, celebrate the person you lost, be open to signs, get moving physically, and turn pain into purpose. These are not stages to pass through in order. They are tools you can reach for on any given day, and they are grounded in what Dirge actually did.

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What you'll learn

1 (00:00) **Opening: Kate's Core Rejection of the Five Stages** - Kate Dirge explains why she wrote *Reimagining Grief*, stating she rejected the traditional five-stage model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) because it gave her no agency over how to move through loss.
2 (03:19) **Penny’s Diagnosis and the "Choice" Framework** - Kate recounts learning of Penny's rare condition (congenital pseudoarthrosis linked to NF) at four months old, and how her father’s pre-wedding advice about "playing the cards you're dealt" shaped her family’s response.
3 (07:01) **The "Love Cocoon" and a Rocket Ship of Love** - When told Penny's final tumor was inoperable, Kate chose to bring her home and fill the house with love, light, music, and joy, creating what she calls a "love cocoon."
4 (09:53) **Why the Five Stages Are Wrong for Her** - Kate explains her visceral reaction to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's 1969 "Death and Dying" model, which she felt robbed her of agency during an uncontrollable time.
5 (11:20) **Customizing Grief: Cassie’s Celebration** - Kate describes losing her mother, Cassie, five days before Christmas, and choosing to honor her by doing "all the things Tassie would want us to do."
6 (14:47) **Action 1: Connect with Others** - Kate introduces the first of her five actions: connection, which she says is critical because grief is isolating and human beings need each other.
7 (17:43) **Action 2: Celebrate Them** - The second action is celebrating the loved one through small, meaningful acts that honor what they loved.

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Show Notes

August is National Grief Awareness Month, and Kate Doerge wants to reimagine how we deal with grief. After the experience of losing her 16-year-old daughter, Kate decided it was time to reframe the feeling of sadness. We’ve all heard of the five stages of grief, but Kate suggests there are five actions to help you learn how to carry your grief. Plus, Norah talks about how she wants to be remembered, and Kate tells us how to show up for people who are grieving.

We’d love to hear what topics you want to hear covered on Healthful. Text Norah at 202-217-1107.