How To Negotiate: Tips from a Former FBI Hostage Negotiator (w/ Chris Voss)

October 1, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

“The vast majority of us want to collaborate. And the vast majority of us want to feel understood. You don’t want me to agree with you deep down inside. You don’t care really if I agree with you, but you want to be understood.” That is the core insight Chris Voss, former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator, brings to everyday negotiations—salary talks, prenups, and difficult conversations with a spouse. Voss spent 24 years in the FBI handling both buy-side (kidnapping ransoms) and sell-side (domestic hostage) negotiations before turning his methods into the bestselling book Never Split the Difference. On Financial Tea with Mrs. Dow Jones, he explains why most people fail at negotiation, how to recover a deal that is falling apart, and what tactical empathy looks like in practice.

Why Most Negotiators Fail: They Are Stuck in Their Own Story

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What you'll learn

1 (01:55) **Chris Voss Introduces His FBI Background** - Voss explains his 24-year career as an FBI hostage negotiator, specializing in international kidnapping (buy-side) and domestic hostage (sell-side) negotiations.
2 (04:57) **The Most Intense Negotiation: 9/11 and a Kidnapping** - Voss recounts a 13-month kidnapping case in the Philippines that coincided with the 9/11 attacks, where resources were stretched thin.
3 (07:00) **The #1 Mistake: Getting Caught in Your Own Story** - Voss identifies the most common negotiation failure: people focus on telling their own side of the story instead of understanding the other side's perspective.
4 (08:42) **The "I've Disappointed You" Move** - Voss breaks down the tactical move of acknowledging the other side's disappointment to reopen a dead deal.
5 (10:35) **The "How Am I Supposed to Do That?" Question** - Voss explains his most famous negotiation question, which forces the other side to see your situation through an empathic lens.
6 (15:20) **Due Diligence: When to Walk Away** - Voss explains how to assess if a counterpart is worth negotiating with, using gut instinct over hope.
7 (19:43) **Salary Negotiation: What to Say When They Ask for Your Number** - Voss teaches the first move when an employer asks for your salary requirements.

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Guests on this episode

Mrs. Dow Jones

Show Notes

Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss joins Haley to discuss how negotiating with the most difficult subjects in the most high pressure situations can be applied to your business and your life.

Financial Tea with Mrs. Dow Jones is a Sony Music Entertainment production.

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Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations.

Recognized globally as a leading authority on negotiation, Chris developed his approach through decades of experience in crisis negotiation. Today, he and The Black Swan Group apply those principles to business, sales, leadership, difficult conversations, and high-stakes communication through The Black Swan Method® and Tactical Empathy®.

Never Split The Difference has introduced millions of readers around the world to Chris's negotiation methodology. Through The Black Swan Group, Chris and his team help people go beyond understanding the concepts in the book and develop negotiation as a practical, repeatable performance skill through training, coaching, practice, and live experiences.

The Black Swan Group offers in-person negotiation training, live and self-paced online negotiation training, coaching, keynote speaking, and advanced negotiation experiences for business owners, leaders, sales professionals, and other professionals who want to become more effective dealmakers.

Learn from Chris Voss and The Black Swan Group:

Negotiation training and resources: https://www.blackswanltd.com/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm=campaign=financialteawithmrsdowjones

In-person and live training: https://www.blackswanltd.com/live-events?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=financialteawithmrsdowjones

Online negotiation training: https://www.blackswanltd.com/online-negotiation-classes?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=financialteawithmrsdowjones

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