AI Summary
5 min readYou're Networking Wrong (What to Do Instead) with Danielle Robay
Danielle Robay has spent over 8,000 hours in professional conversation, and she has a blunt diagnosis for why so many ambitious women network constantly but still don't make more money: they're being transactional. "Networking is not transactional," she says. "It should not feel forced." The real formula, she argues, is three things: asking more and better questions, listening deeply, and playing the long game. The long game is where most people get tripped up.
Why Transactional Networking Fails
Robay's core insight is that the word "networking" itself is part of the problem. "I really think of it as relationship building," she says. "Relationships are not a one-to-one. You're not counting who helps who. You're just trying to add value where you can." When people approach networking as a transaction—I give you something, you give me something—it feels forced and inauthentic because it is. The person on the receiving end can sense it.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:00) **Why Smart Women Network but Don't Earn More** - Tori introduces the core problem: ambitious women network constantly but see no financial return.
- 2 (04:15) **How Danielle's Networking Strategy Evolved with Success** - She shifted from trying to break in to deciding what's worth her time.
- 3 (06:43) **What Makes a Bad Ask (and a Good One)** - Danielle breaks down the DMs and emails she immediately ignores.
- 4 (09:33) **Why Matters More Than How** - The purpose behind the connection determines whether it works.
- 5 (12:30) **Danielle's Early Networking Story: Bamboo Plants and Cookies** - How she got her start in LA with no connections.
- 6 (15:00) **Staying Motivated When No One Responds** - The emotional toll of networking and how to push through.
- 7 (20:22) **What High Earners Do Differently** - They don't act like they need anything, even when they do.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Show Notes
Today I'm sitting down for another chat with one of my favorite guests, Danielle Robay. Danielle’s a TV host, journalist, host of Question Everything, co-executive producer of Bookmarked alongside Reese Witherspoon, and also one of my IRL good friends (a friendship that started, fittingly, as a work relationship). We're getting into how to turn relationships into your next job, business, or opportunity, and what to stop doing immediately if you want to earn more. Danielle reframes "networking" as long-game relationship-building, hands you a follow-up template you can use tomorrow, and explains why the cold "can I pick your brain?" email is going straight to the trash. If you're in transition — graduating, switching careers, getting a business off the ground — this one's for you.
Danielle’s links:
Website: https://www.daniellerobay.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniellerobay/
Danielle's podcast: https://www.daniellerobay.com/prettysmart
Question Everything card game: https://questioneverything.us/
Catch our other podcast episodes with Danielle:
How to be the Most Interesting Person in the Room with Danielle Robay: https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/ask-better-questions/
Owning Your Ambition with Danielle Robay: https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/owning-your-ambition-danielle-robay/
Visit https://herfirst100k.com/ffpod to grab our free Goal Setting Worksheet for a framework that will help you set actionable goals to take your dreams from ‘hope’ to ‘action.’
00:00 Intro
00:59 Why ambitious women network constantly but don't earn more
02:30 How Danielle's relationship to networking changed as her platform grew
04:30 The invented husband + two kids: a boundary hack
06:00 What makes a bad ask (and how to make a good one)
08:00 The "Quick question" subject-line hack
09:00 Why the "why" matters more than the "how"
11:00 Curiosity is a skill — and you already have it
13:00 The bamboo plant story
17:00 How to stay motivated when nobody's replying
19:00 What high earners do differently when they network
22:00 "What's your biggest pain point?" — the email that lands interviews
26:00 Mid-episode: free goal-setting worksheet
27:00 Where women network in ways that get them liked but not paid
33:00
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