AI Summary
5 min readHow to Ask for a Raise in 2026
Women now negotiate as often as men do. That is the good news. The bad news, according to executive coach Kathryn Valentine, is that women succeed about half as often—because they are using tools designed for men, which carry an unmarked risk of backlash. Valentine, who coaches women inside firms like Bain, KPMG, and JP Morgan, argues that the current economic climate—AI layoffs, hiring freezes, headlines about a "low hire, low fire" market—makes most women want to keep their heads down and wait. That instinct, she says, is backwards. The real mistake is not negotiating at all, or negotiating the wrong way.
Why the old playbook fails
The classic advice—walk in and say "I deserve this"—is, Valentine says bluntly, "the quickest way to end your career." The problem is structural. Backlash arises when someone who is expected to be "others-focused" (women) enters an environment that is perceived as an aggressive, winner-take-all contest (negotiation). The result: women who negotiate using standard tactics are seen as pushy or ungrateful, while men who do the same are seen as competent.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:10) **The "Wrong Time" Myth** - Kathryn Valentine argues that waiting for a "better" economy to ask for a raise is the wrong instinct, and explains why women negotiate as often as men but succeed half as often.
- 2 (05:46) **Why Traditional Negotiation Advice Fails Women** - The old problem was "women don't ask"; the new problem is women use tools built for men that create backlash.
- 3 (07:32) **The "Us vs. The Problem" Framing** - How to reframe a raise as a business necessity that helps the company succeed, not a personal demand.
- 4 (11:39) **What to Ask for When Cash is Frozen** - A practical list of 76 negotiable items beyond base salary, including timing strategies.
- 5 (14:26) **Negotiating After the Job Offer** - Why your leverage is highest after you've been selected, and how to handle the back-and-forth.
- 6 (19:54) **The Science of Backlash and How to Eliminate It** - A three-step framework to virtually eliminate the risk of backlash in any negotiation.
- 7 (23:28) **Handling the "Murky Middle" of a Negotiation** - What to do when the conversation goes off-script and you're waiting for an answer.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Show Notes
The 2026 job market has been brutal. If you’ve been looking for a job, you know how tough it is. If you already have a job, I’m sure you’ve been told that you should just be grateful. Keep your head down, don’t make waves, ask for a raise when things "settle." My guest today thinks that instinct is completely backwards, and after this conversation, so do I. Kathryn Valentine –– executive coach, one of the country's leading experts on women's negotiation, and repeat guest –– coaches women inside communities like J.P. Morgan, Bain, and KPMG. And her work starts with an uncomfortable finding: women now negotiate as often as men, but succeed about half as often. Today we're talking about what to do when your company says there's no budget, why the timing of your ask matters so much, what AI gets wrong about your salary, and how to survive the messy middle of a negotiation without folding. If you've been telling yourself you'll just wait a year to ask, listen to this first.
Kathryn’s Links:
76 Things You Can Negotiate at Work: http://76things.com/
Learn more about Kathryn Valentine: http://worthmorestrategies.com/
Negotiate Like a Woman with Kathryn Valentine: https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/negotiate-like-a-woman/
Learn the exact strategies to save money, pay off debt, improve your money mindset, and increase your net worth. Get your personalized plan: https://herfirst100k.com/ffpod.
00:00 Intro
02:13 Why negotiation matters: career, stress, and $1M
05:24 Women ask now, but with the wrong tools
06:30 Negotiating during layoffs
08:28 The relational ask (and the WSJ advice that backfires)
11:36 Common negotiation mistakes women are told to make
13:12 What to ask for when raises are frozen
15:33 The 76 things you can negotiate
19:42 The gender gap goes way past base salary
26:42 In the room: what to say when it goes off-script
31:08 The three biggest mistakes that sink negotiations
34:15 How to find your market rate
37:32 "Ask a white guy"
40:34 Should you use AI to prep?
44:29 The average negotiation lasts 25 days
45:57 Live calculator: what one raise is worth
50:25 Who to talk to (and who to avoid) during a negotiation
56:54 Changing jobs when the economy is bad
59:25 When to leave corporate and build your own thing
66:27 Why mid-sized companies are best for flexibility
71:07 What to do this week
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